Cognitive Biblical
Therapy Coursework
Counseling Through God’s
Transformative Word
Course 3, Chapter 1
Welcome to Course 3 Chapter 1
Redefining Love and the Process of Patience
a. Explain the Course forms and process
b. Word Studies (Silhouettes) Explained
c. Backbone of Cognitive Biblical Therapy
d. Redefining Analysis of Love
e. The Process of Patience: Steps 1 - 4
Essay Questions: Answering the section questions (red buttons) is a great way to prepare for the end of the Chapter Quiz. You may notice, to gain full credit for the answers in Course 3 will require more details. Yet remember, these questions are for your review, not for grading purposes. The section questions will provide Dr. Wilkinson’s feedback to your answers.
Quiz Requirement: At the end of the Chapter, a score of 75% is necessary on the Chapter Quiz in order to access the next chapter.
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Course 3 Course 1
Analysis and Application of Cognitive Biblical Therapy
Course Overview
Each of your courses has a Course Description sheet that explains the purpose of the course, the goal, and course objectives. Just to make sure you understand the purpose of this course, Analysis and Application will involve some basic tasks. First, the basic principles of Agape love will be discussed through the Word Studies. I'll go through them with you to pick out lexical meanings, New Testament meanings, and understanding examples of each. The Word Studies are very important in using this methodology and you will learn to use it through all of these courses, which are all based on the Scripture. The initial research was done on Agape love from First Corinthians 13:4-8a, and can be successfully applied to all kinds of different problems and situations. We'll study each element of Agape love from “Love is patient” through “Love never fails”.
Secondly, we will look at personality types. There are four distinct personality types which are identified by the answers on the Analysis questionnaire: 1) Active, 2) Passive, 3) Passive-Active, and Genuine or Sincere. We'll explain how to determine these, and how to present spiritual information and understanding to your client. Some people are fact-based and see things as either right or wrong. Some people tend to be emotionally based who assume things, and get hurt easily. Some people are very compliant and will do whatever they're told, sometimes with a bad attitude. Like a little boy who was told to sit down and he said, “Well, I'm sitting down on the outside, but I'm standing up on the inside.”
The third item in Course 3 is we'll learn about is referral sources. There'll be times when you need to know the behaviors that characterize someone who may be physically ill or need a psychiatric evaluation. And it's very important that you know that you can identify those tendencies, so that you don’t try to work with someone in a spiritual, Biblical sense, when they need medication or treatment for a physical illness or a mental illness. Not many cases will be like that, but you need to be aware to treat properly, and see growth and change. Even missing one case that has a genuine need for medical help or psychiatric help can be very damaging to the person, to your professional reputation or the church working with you. You don't have to fear lawsuits, but you do have to stand up to the scrutiny of non- Christian helping professionals such as medical doctors, psychiatrists and attorneys.
The fourth topic will be explaining the 75 questions from the Analysis Questionnaire for Agape Love (ALQA) in light of those Word Studies, so that you can understand the questions. Question one, for example, love is patient. You need to understand how a person answers that if they are Christ-like Agape love, patient, and how they answer it if they're not Christ like, if they're impatient, manipulative. The explanation of those questions will let you understand a client's responses, which will guide through the counseling process in order to change their behavior through a new or deeper relationship to God, the leading of the Holy Spirit, and deeper knowledge of Jesus as Savior.
In review, you will learn the elements of Agape love from first, Corinthians 13:4-8, which is what you use in counseling. Second, we're going to define and break down four distinct personality types. Third, we're going to speak about how you tell what you look for when there's a need for a referral to a physician or to a psychiatrist. And then, fourth, you will learn to use the Analysis Profile to diagnose how their understanding is impacting their relationships; what is causing the problems in their marriage, with their boss, with their kids, with themselves, or with God.
In order to do this, you need to understand your own concepts of love; the goal is ownership of your beliefs in what you think God's like. You have to portray this truth as you model that before your clients. You have to believe it, for your counseling using this methodology to be effective. You will use your own Analysis Profile to analyze your concepts and interpret your understandings. You will need to have this understanding, so that as you're sitting in your chair and counseling, God is directly working with you and your mind, giving you guidance, and insight. You will need God's help every step of the way. People are too complex. Life can be too difficult. Scars can run very deep. You will need the Holy Spirit's discernment all the time, every case, every day. You will need knowledge, ownership and discernment. That's the goal; analysis and application.
Once the client has completed AQAL, you will need to sit down with it, analyze it, get a sense of their personality type, and their knowledge; before you spiritually present the results and explain the plan to lead them to healing. For example, in question 19, which is boasting you received a score of one. It says, “If I sense an insecurity in my spouse, my child, I attempt to find out if my actions cause the problems,” and you marked almost always, and the answer from the Scripture is almost never. Understanding the Word Studies and how they fit the questions will equip you to present the results of the clients’ responses.
All of the materials that you need to complete this course are available to you. The written Word Studies, personality descriptions, Biblical Norms, Conditional and Unconditional Love descriptions and Analysis Profile are in the Zip Drive.
At any point in Course 3, you can request a mentor to discuss the contents and application of this course. At the end of Chapter 9, if you have not yet requested a mentor, reach out to: cbtcoursework@gmail.com to confirm your completion of all quizzes, otherwise your mentor will walk you through the end of your completion of Course 3. If you're at the point where you would like to create some of your own word studies, and questionnaire, see the “Basic Steps for Conducting a Biblical Word Study” guide. When you are engaged with a CBT Mentor, discuss your thoughts, plans and/or developments with your mentor. My hope is that as people learn this method, they will be directed by God to do their own study and research. So again, the project is optional. If you have questions along the way, by all means, ask your mentor or reach out to: cbtcoursework@gmail.com.
Word Studies
Question 1. The word lexical means exact. In other words, Word Studies (silhouette) will present the fundamental or primary meaning behind a given concept or word from the Scripture. So, a simple example,” Agape love isn't rude.” What's rude mean? The Lexical definition of rude means “feigned ignorance.” According to the scripture, we are not to feign ignorance or pretend we don’t know. The Word Studies (silhouettes) contain explanations of specific concepts, and they have to come from someplace. One source or book is called the Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible. The other books are An Expanded Vine's Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words, and a Vine's Expository Dictionary of Old Testament Words. These are studies done from the original Greek and Hebrew languages of the scripture. In order to define rudeness, the word must be traced back to its use to the time when the Lord was here and alive, or when the other books of the Bible were written. Because to some degree, we've lost some of the incredible pictures that are involved in the Scripture. In counseling, I often explain what I learned about the words “led astray” in John 16:13, when Jesus said, “When the Holy Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own, but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future.” “Led astray” is descriptive of a trap for catching animals, and describes the part of the trap, called the pan. And if you step on the pan, the round part in the middle, it springs the trap. And what the Lord was saying there, is God will intervene in our lives. The Holy Spirit will intervene in such a way that when we're almost ready to spring the trap, we won't. In other words, he will enable us, help us, protect us, talk to us, educate us, heal us, so that we're not caught. And that's what I learned by using the Strong's Concordance. It's a very reliable source. The Strong's Concordance is where the lexical definition comes from for each of the elements of Agape love.
The word in the original language, Greek or Hebrew, in the Vines Dictionary will then define and break down the idea into a broader concept and uses lots of other scriptures to form a whole thought. For example, “feigned ignorance” can be expanded through the Vines Dictionary by explaining that “feigned ignorance” means “to willfully utilize negative emotional manipulation against another person in order to obtain the kind of actions, attitudes, behaviors, and submission that you want.” You need to know them, because we need correct sources to learn what the bible really means. These are accepted by various denominations: they're not contested at all. They're very reliable, and that's what I use for these studies.
Question 2. The purpose for these original word studies in Cognitive Biblical Therapy, and as I mentioned, is to bring the original meaning of the word or concept to the client that presents a contrast between what the person believes and does, and what God would have the person believe or do. His profile serves to show the individual the belief, while the Word Study (silhouette) shows the person of Christ. Here's what God believes or says or wants for you, because He loves you and he doesn't want you to suffer or be miserable. The Word Study (silhouette) serves as a standard, a value, a contrast, a foundation. It's what allows you to say, “This isn't what I believe. This is what your soul wants as your creation of God. This is what you yearn for.” As a counselor, you have to have a standard, but it cannot be your own. It has to be you saying, “I'm under the same authority of God, I work toward the same goal of becoming more like the Lord.” This allows you to shift the whole accountability to God.
For example, I had a client get very mad at me, and I had to confront her about being disrespectful toward me. She left saying, “I don't know if I'm coming back.” I prayed with her before she left, and I said, “Jesus, if I am out of line, being manipulative, or not loving like Christ, you tell me.” But I confronted her by saying, “You're shaking your head, making sounds and acting disgusted. You're acting disrespectfully, and it seems like you're being rude. I'm feeling angry at you. What do you think?” And when she left, I just said, “Lord, she's in your hands. If I'm wrong, I repent. I want to change.” Two days later she called, and said, “I was wrong, and I'm sorry, and the Lord did speak with me. I was rude, and I want to keep my appointment.” If I had said, “Well, I think” versus “It seems like this is what the Word say,” I doubt she would have come back. She came back because what I said was true to her soul. God was responsible. Because I had 27 other sessions that week, I had to let her go and let God take over. And that's the power of these Word Studies, an education based on a standard that's not your own. They point a person toward God in contrast to what profile from the AQAL scores show you.
Now, these Word Studies (silhouettes) contain cross references to other words or times. The purpose for this is this idea of expanding the basic lexical concept, patience, for example, has as a cross reference the word long suffering. Using them you're building an idea and then fleshing it out through building an idea or phrase in the New Testament, Word application within the Word Study (silhouette). This serves to broaden this concept from its lexical definition through other scriptures, other Greek and Hebrew words. This "New Testament Word Application" builds your knowledge and provides a whole base of understanding to build from with this person. And it's very important, because it becomes their learning, thoughts, and prayers. They learn the pattern of searching the Bible for knowledge that God gives them to build their understanding throughout their lifetime. At the end of each Word Study (silhouette) is a summary, which brings all of the information discussed into focus for the client.
Fully answer the following question from the content you just read and submit your answer to find your score and Dr. Dan's answer to the question.
Describe "Biblical Norm" and explain how it was developed including the two resources other than the Bible.
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Dr. Dan's Answer:
They were developed by tracing words back to their original usage at the time the Bible was written, so that the deeper, more precise meanings are recovered. The two resources used alongside the Bible are:
- Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible — provides the lexical (exact, primary) definition of each word from the original Greek or Hebrew.
- Vine's Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words (and Old Testament Words) — expands the lexical definition into a broader concept, using additional scriptures to build a fuller understanding.
Fully answer the following question from the content you just read and submit your answer to find your score and Dr. Dan's answer to the question.
What purpose does the Biblical Norm serve in the counseling process of CBT?
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Dr. Dan's Answer:
The Biblical Norm (Word Study/silhouette) serves as a standard, value, contrast, and foundation in counseling. It presents the original meaning of a biblical concept to the client, creating a contrast between what the person currently believes and does versus what God would have them believe and do. It shifts accountability away from the counselor's personal opinion to God's authority, making it more spiritually compelling to the client.
Backbone of Cognitive Biblical Therapy
The Word Studies are critical to the purpose and process of Cognitive Biblical Therapy, because they are the backbone of the methodology. In other words, without those, as I mentioned, we're just one more theory. You will hear counselors say,” Well, I use a little bit of this theorist, a little bit of Mindfulness and a little bit of Rational Emotive therapy. And once in a while, somebody will say, “Well, I'm somewhat of a Freudian,” “I often use pieces of Dan Siegel’s methods”. CBT is not anything except Biblically based Christian counseling, period. And we only have one source, and that's God, and we only have one textbook, and that's the bible. We'll talk about physical problems, but our premise is that man is created by God, yearns for God, and enabled by God to know him through Christ and led by God the Holy Spirit. And that's more than enough. We have something that we point to. We have to have the word, and the word is very, very adequate. I doubt, in my lifetime, if I'll ever do more than scratch the surface of this whole method. But my prayers that others continue. That's its purpose, the backbone, the foundation.
As we move to review the first Word Study (silhouette) we will break each down, so you understand each of them. I'm going to explain my understanding from Biblical research for patience, kindness, envy, boasting, proud, all of the 15 elements all the way through to love never fails.
For each one of these, I'm going to take you through some basic steps to understand:
1) how you define patience,
2) the lexical definition of patience,
3) what's the New Testament definition, and
4) an example of patience.
You will be asked to provide your own example. Describe your example. There's no right or wrong there. You remember you need to own this. Start to expose your thoughts and concepts of God, of love, of patience, to him, and get clarification. If you are on track, wonderful. Where you're not, work with the Lord on change. It is especially important that you present these things to clients accurately. The unsaved, the unchurched, the non-Christian, will know in a second, if what you're saying doesn't ring spiritually true.
For example, I ride a Harley, and I bought my parts at a place called Mid-State Cycle. After a year of going there, the guys trusted me enough that a few of them came for counseling. They drag in with leather chaps and jackets and flop down in a chair. A lot of times, I got statements like, “Oh, my woman got hacked off and left me the other day. Well, I threw a beer bottle at her and hit the window and broke it. She got all freaked out and left.” I talked to him about things like rudeness. I'd say to him, “Do you think that was a good thing to do? Did you sort of play stupid, like, "What's wrong with her?” His reply, “Well, yeah.” I'd say, “Let me tell you what rudeness means. It means to be phony, pretend you don't know what you're doing, to get what you want. Did you want another bottle of beer? Maybe you just want her to quit nagging you about the fact that you're a bum and you don't work and all you do is ride a Harley?” It would dawn on him, feigned ignorance, phony ignorance. He caught it. He said, “Yeah, maybe I can understand why she's mad.”
Redefining Concepts of Agape Love
Question 3. This part of the course is where you and God spend time examining your concepts. If he's going to trust you with the soul of somebody that doesn't know him, you've got to know him in a real, practical, everyday way. So that's what these Word Studies (silhouettes) are all about. My definition of patience, before I started all these Word Studies, was always, tap your foot, grit your teeth, put up with rotten behavior or situations, and don't say anything, hoping that somehow, it'll get better.
That definition drove me crazy for years: bad relationships, frustration, sense of disrespect, and hopelessness. Didn't know what to do, or how to make it better. Never getting better made life really, really difficult. But patience means something entirely different. If you look at the bottom of the first page of the Biblical Norms (Word Studies), under Patience (A), you will see the lexical definition of patience, “to stay under patience means to stay under, that is to remain.” Figuratively, “to undergo that is to bear or have trials, to have fortitude, persevere, abide, endure, take, patiently suffer.” “Tarry behind” which sounds a little bit like putting up with junk. The key there is to stay under, that is to remain. We don't want to stay under anything, when we're bugged and bothered. We just want an answer or out. What God's pointing us towards is staying under his authority, staying under his love, doing what he would do. That's not a natural, a normal tendency. We don't want to stay under authority.
Question 4. We need to go deeper here, and let's look at this New Testament definition of patience. This says that patience builds the Christian character, by purposely staying behind from the expected, or what would be considered the normal response. Patience involves the willingness to suffer for a higher good, than one's own self-gratification. It's evidenced by self-restraint in the face of provocation, doesn't hastily retaliate, doesn't promptly punish. Is the opposite of anger, and associated with mercy, used by God. It doesn't surrender under circumstances or trials. Is the opposite of depression or despondency, and is associated with hope. It's always rewarded by God in his time. The same attitude that God had towards man while man was still in sin. He didn't say, “Get it straight, or I won't die for you on the cross.” Christ didn't say that. Patience is a call to trust God's provision for the answer to what you're troubled by, what you think you need or want.
As a second step, patience is going to be broken down for you into a “how to” process. Patience has a purpose, it's restorative, and it is a process. It always brings about healing, growth, maturity, peace, and strength. If we endure things for no good reason or avoid our own need to be accountable to God, to change, to pray, to confront, to be a part of the solution, then it's not patience at all. Patience does not mean that you should endure and grit your teeth. The most common examples come from marital situations in which there's been long-standing difficulty. For example, in a social setting, a husband may seem unkind. He may make off the wall comments; he may be insensitive, in the wife's opinion.
Following the “How to” steps in the process of patience, this pattern can and will be reversed. God's greatest desire is for these couples to just stop unkind actions. In Ephesians, when it speaks about husbands and wives, it prefaces that passage by saying, submit one to another, submit unto God. To be argumentative, insensitive, assumptive, and jump to conclusions certainly doesn’t honor God. None of this is God’s intention for relationships, especially marriage. God himself is not like that. Whenever we act like that, we are not loving with Agape love. Instead, we are creating grief, suffering, and all kinds of difficulty for ourselves and others.
Peace and patience are the means by which this behavior stops. Past experiences will be reversed, and utilizing God's love (Agape love) will change that. The behaviors they have practiced for a long time have been very impatient. You are going to teach them to be patient, or Christ-like, or Agape towards each other; submissive to God first, then submissive to each other.
For this section you will need the page entitled, Biblical Process for Healthy Relationships. There are scriptural references in II Corinthians 3:16-17, 4:1-2, 7-18. Here the passages speak about whenever we come to the Lord, we have had a separation, and that veil is now lifted or taken away. It states that the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. It goes on to say specifically that we are to commend ourselves to God. We are to “set forth the truth plainly”. We are to “renounce shameful and deceitful ways”. We are “not to distort the Word of God”. When we submit to God and speak as God would, then it's clearly seen that the ability to love this way comes directly from God. In other words, I get no credit. We are to be treasures in jars of clay.
I worked with a man who was very aggressive and self-righteous. I showed him this idea of being a clay jar, in this passage. You know a clay jar is porous; it allows things to pass through it. I said, “Keith, your jar is not made of clay. Your jar is made of stainless steel. In your scripture, it would read Keith holds his jar is made of stainless steel, so that everybody knows the power comes from Keith and not from God. This tool of the Patience Process will be useful as a tool for the client. I’ll explain these seven steps for patience. In counseling you will be teaching this process and these steps. The core idea here starts with II Corinthians 4:7, “We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.” This great treasure is the person of Jesus living inside us because we have submitted ourselves to him in salvation. Jesus brings peace, between my Creator, and myself. That peace never leaves, never changes, is never in doubt; that's never an issue. The clients you see in counseling are really seeking peace. They want peace with their God the Father and don’t have it or can’t connect with it. Some who have never trusted Christ for salvation have no idea how to get it. Here is where you can lead people to salvation in Jesus Christ. You have the Romans Road and know the sinner’s prayer. You need to help them understand there's only one source of peace. And don't be shy here. Don't hesitate. I don't know what your counseling situation is, but God's got a means by which you can honor Him and counsel to bring people to this issue of peace. God will work with you.
You will help them understand that Jesus Christ brings peace to troubled humans, because we're forgiven. When we are forgiven, the father looks at us, and sees the righteousness of his son, Jesus. God doesn’t see our sin, (addictions, sinful activity, or rotten relationships). He sees the face of Jesus, because I am covered by the shed blood of Christ. For me, I know that's basic, but it's critical. Without it, you cannot go anywhere with this methodology, because that is its foundation. Rather than the peace we're supposed to be living in, most live in unrest, turmoil and guilt and they call it normal. At first your clients may see this as crazy, because you’re telling them their normal is abnormal.
In your answer, first share your own personal definition of patience — what did patience mean to you before this study? Then describe the Lexical and New Testament definitions. Submit your answer to find your score and see Dr. Dan's answer.
Compare your own definition of Patience with the Lexical and New Testament definitions.
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Dr. Dan's Answer:
Personal definition before studying: "Tap your foot, grit your teeth, put up with rotten behavior or situations, and don't say anything, hoping it'll get better."
- Lexical definition: "To stay under — that is, to remain." Figuratively, to undergo trials with fortitude; to persevere, abide, endure, and patiently suffer.
- New Testament definition: Patience builds Christian character by purposely staying back from the expected or "normal" response. It involves the willingness to suffer for a higher good than self-gratification. It is evidenced by self-restraint in the face of provocation, does not hastily retaliate or punish, and is the opposite of anger.
Fully answer the following question from the content you just read and submit your answer to find your score and Dr. Dan's answer to the question.
What is the purpose or the product of the Process of Patience?
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Dr. Dan's Answer:
The Process of Patience is restorative. Its purpose and product are: healing, growth, maturity, peace, and strength. It is not about passively enduring hardship with gritted teeth, but about actively engaging with God in the midst of difficulty so that relationships and behaviors are transformed. The goal is for the individual to become more Christ-like.
The Process of Patience: Step 1
Question : Step 1 in the Biblical Process for Healthy Communication (formerly known as, the “Process of Patience") reads, “Whenever you feel frightened, hopeless, hurt or confused in your relationship to God or to others: don’t talk about it. Excuse yourself for the purpose of taking time to pray.” If you need to, leave the room, hang up the phone, change the conversation. You take a break to think and pray. Go out and cut the grass, take a nap, cook dinner, whatever you've got to do.
Pray does not mean, “Oh, God help me!” But pray to understand the situation and be empowered by God to obey him. God will enable you to submit to his authority. That's something that we cannot do on our own. Plainly, simply, you have to communicate this to the client. Even when we don’t understand what is happening, we need to depend on God, period.
There are all kinds of troubling situations in life and in relationships: I'm mad at my wife. I'd like to scream at my daughter. I'd like to go quit my job. I'd like to do something nasty. It may mean your conscience is troubling you like: they won't miss these 10 bucks, or one of these pipe wrenches in the storeroom, a little petty cash, or a few stamps. It's a place where your conscience is warning you against doing something that's wrong. The Holy Spirit says, “Stop.” This sense of unrest (no peace) is opposite to everything that God is. And if you receive Jesus Christ, you receive God in your consciousness and your soul, and he inhabits your being and brings you something you've never had. If you're troubled, it doesn't mean you lost your relationship. It means something's affecting it. And you're saying to God, I need to understand. I need to see; I don't know what's going on.
There is a picture used often in psychology books, that's often used to deal with expectations, and it shows tendencies people have towards what they see (perception), how they see things, predispositions, assumptions. It's a picture of a woman, and take that right now and look at it for a minute. It's a black and white picture. Just stare at it for about 30 seconds before moving on. I want to help you understand what grace does through this picture. You saw one of two women: a very old woman or a very young woman. Whatever you saw first is comparable to the type of perception you have when you initially look at a situation. Your first understanding of that picture is what it's like to live your life without the guidance and wisdom and grace of God, the Holy Spirit. In other words, people spend time seeing something and reacting, some say it’s a “reflex”.
There's no pause between what they perceive and what they do. Now, if any of you saw the young woman, there's a portion of that picture where you can see she's turned away from you, and you can see her ear and her chin line. Now drop your gaze from her ear down to that apparent chin line. And when you do this, you're going to see the picture differently: instead of a chin of the young woman, you should see a very large nose of a very old woman. Her mouth is a black, narrow horizontal slit running left to right, maybe quarter of an inch wide. Below that, you'll see her chin. One woman, the old woman, has sort of a shawl on. Then the other one, the young woman, has that feather on top of her head.
And that's what it's like to gain the Second Sight of God, the Holy Spirit, through submission. In other words, “patience” says, “I'm troubled. This isn't of the Lord. Dear God, Father, Jesus give me back my peace. You can think about grace as saying to God, help me submit to you. I trust your authority. I need your help, but this is all I can do.” This is a doorway: “I'm going to believe, by my faith in God, that you will give me insight through the Holy Spirit. I need to think; I don't need to feel. I’m feeling emotional and frightened, or there's something spiritually going on”, that's warfare. Say to God, “Help me to think Father, what are the facts?”
One guy said to me one time, “You mean I can go on living. This doesn't have to be the end of the world. Every argument doesn't have to be more evidence that we either need to get a divorce or we make up so we're going to stay together forever?” He said, “Everything is always monumental, catastrophic, absolute destruction.” And I said, “It's not supposed to be that way.” Let the other person know that you will get back to him or her, take a bathroom break. Then we go inward to our consciousness, mind and soul, to God and say, “Okay, I've asked for and I believe I've received grace. Now I need to think.” You don’t need to be alone to hear God speak, because God's inside them as the Holy Spirit.
Patience: Step 2
That next step in the process (Biblical Process of Healthy Communication) is telling God the facts as you perceive them. Many people have a concept of prayer that requires them to be on your knees, in a closet, etc. When Paul said we should pray without ceasing, he meant while you're doing normal life activities. Being patient means talking to God to learn how you should respond in this situation, while you're working through the problem. The evidence of being a Christian is functioning through God’s power and not my own. Most people are destroyed when there's a problem. Often, Christians don’t know how to pray and wait on God to show them His plan or response. Romans 12:1 talks about, not being conformed to the world, but “transformed by the renewing of your mind, and so that you can test and approve of God's good and perfect will.” As you work through patience, you talk to God. This is the driving force of how God's love works, which makes Cognitive Biblical Therapy so effective. People work with God in the midst of the problem. They don't avoid it; they don't turn into steam rollers. They don't look for somebody else to blame. They don't depend on emotions, they turn their feelings over to God. They're actively engaged in the transformation of their minds to pattern themselves after the person of Christ.
Patience: Step 3
And the third step says, “What are your feelings?” This basically is a purging process. In other words, the person needs to get rid of junk. And if they say, I hate him, I think she is cruel. I hate my boss. I'd like to smack this kid in the nose. What a jerk. Then the person doesn't say it to anybody, but God. God understands what you feel. Jesus Christ expressed several emotions: weeping for Jerusalem, weeping for Lazarus, loving the little children, angry with the money changers in the temple. Those feelings were okay, because they were under the authority of the Father. Likewise, the person has to have the ability to vent the emotions, especially if they're negative or destructive. Those come from being born into sin, and the purging is getting rid of them so they can be replaced. Say whatever you got to say. There are times while riding my Harley Davidson, I will yell, sometimes I'll yell at God. He's not offended, so tell him.
Patience: Step 4
The fourth step is the most important. It says, “Ask God to tell you if you’re acting like He would in your responses (thoughts and attitude) toward this person.” Ask God if he sees any places in this situation where you are not being Christ-like which is Agape love. What you're doing here is establishing the principle of introspection, self-introspection, which is inviting God to tell you what He sees in you. Are you being patient? Are you being kind? You received Christ, so you received patience, you received kindness. Listening to God will mean getting quiet and wanting God’s answers. And what the Holy Spirit will do is speak directly to your consciousness, to your soul, your mind, your spirit. Listen for, gain the sense of how the Holy Spirit will speak to your consciousness. This will depend on the client’s relationship with God. Everyone is created with a conscience. You can prove it to them even if they are not a Christian yet or think they have never heard God speak to their conscience.
A simple story of Jesus at the fairgrounds. Let's pretend Jesus is at the county fairgrounds, and you go there to see him. You wedge your way through the crowd, get up to the platform, call out, Jesus, “Jesus, it's Dan,” because you really believe it’s Jesus. And as he turns around, in his hand, he has a can of Bud Light, and in his robe sleeve, he has a pack of camels (cigarettes). And he calls out and says, “Hey Dan, good to see you.”
And I'll say to people, what do you feel or think right now? And most of them will say Jesus is not like that. Doesn't matter if they're not Christians. They say he's not like that. And I'll say to him, “Who told you he's not like that?” He says, “Well, I just know.” Yes, you did, because you're eternal and you have a soul and God, the Father, spoke to you from the throne, and he said, “My son's not like that, and neither am I.” Usually there's a very startled look in the face and a long silence, because no one ever made it that simple. God's been talking to that person for years, and they didn't know how to identify clearly, that it was God. God cares, He brings a sense of clear understanding, peace because God loves the person (us). If they'd listened, maybe those two marriages wouldn't have ended, or that felony charge, or those 10 jobs, or those problems with the kids, or those self-doubts, or that false guilt or that insecurity that haunts them every night. Because God is willing to speak to you, you don't have to be controlled by your attitudes, actions, emotions, or your past. But when I'm troubled, I can't rule out the potential that I'm 50 to 100% of the problem, and I need to change what I am thinking and doing. Depending upon the grace of God, I can understand it, and seek God’s Spirit to enable me to do what I need to do.
Copyright 1987, 1990, 1993 by Daniel D. Wilkinson. All rights reserved. For more information concerning this material, write to:
The Biblical Christian Counseling Ministries, Inc., 2730 Radcliffe Dr., Florissant, MO 63031.
Any reproduction of this material without the express written consent of the author is prohibited. Printed in the U.S.A..
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What are the four major steps in the Process of Patience?
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Dr. Dan's Answer:
- Step 1 — Pray: Whenever you feel frightened, hopeless, hurting, or confused, don't react — excuse yourself, take a break, and pray. Ask God to help you understand the situation and empower you to obey Him.
- Step 2 — Tell God the facts: Talk to God about the facts of the situation as you perceive them, while continuing through normal life activities (praying without ceasing). Ask for the renewing of your mind to understand God's good and perfect will.
- Step 3 — Express your feelings to God: Purge negative emotions by expressing them honestly to God alone — not to other people. God understands and is not offended. This clears the way for those feelings to be replaced.
- Step 4 — Ask God for self-examination: Ask God to show you whether your thoughts, attitudes, and responses toward the other person are Christ-like (Agape love). Invite the Holy Spirit to reveal where you are not being patient, kind, or loving.
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