Cognitive Biblical
Therapy Coursework
Counseling Through God’s
Transformative Word
Course 3, Chapter 4
Chapter 4
Perseverance, Never Fails and Interpreting Scores
a. Explaining Love Analysis: Perseveres, Never Fails
b. Analyzing the Agape Love Questionnaire Scores
for Each Element
c. Analyzing Patience Scores
d. Analyzing Kindness Scores
e. Analyzing Envy Scores
Notepad (top of chapter) for your Coursework notes (optional).
Essay Questions: Answering the section questions (red buttons) is a great way to prepare for the end of the Chapter Quiz. You may notice, to gain full credit for the answers in Course 3 will require more details. Yet remember, these questions are for your review, not for grading purposes. The section questions will provide Dr. Wilkinson’s feedback to your answers.
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Course 3 Chapter 4
Perseverance, Never Fails, and Interpreting Scores
Perseveres
Question 1. Perseveres. We may share the same definition for perseverance. I just think of someone that won't quit, doesn't give up, trying to get something accomplished until I get it done, and at whatever cost. The lexical definition means “literally, to stay under or behind”. That is to “remain, to undergo, that is to bear trials, have fortitude, abide, endure, to take something patiently, to suffer or tarry behind.” The New Testament definition of perseveres goes further and says this means “to be beneath an agency or a means through which something is accomplished, to stay or be present in a given place or a state or relationship, or to have an expectancy within that relationship, also to abide under, to bear up courageously under suffering, or to tarry, to wait for to await, to persevere into the end and to endure bravely and trustfully under conditions or circumstances that would be considered burdensome to others.” If you noticed, the perseveres definition is very similar to patience, since they have the same root word. The difference is patience is generally applied to a shorter time span where perseveres is applied to an extended time. Also, I'd remind you again that these last five elements of love: protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres and love never fails are not focused on the strength of the individual.
Using the lens of Agape love or the love of God, these last 5 elements of love require a dependance upon God. The basic idea with perseverance is that my courage, my bravery, my strength, my decision to be in a situation has got to be enabled through God's power and my submission to God. Let's look at a very difficult marital situation involving a wife who was extremely emotional but wanted to get help, and a husband who was about the same, but he wouldn't come for counseling. In this case, they ended up separated. After the wife had been in counseling a few months, the husband called and said he is willing to counsel. The wife had learned to deal better with her emotions, and set up an eight-month long separation. She was working hard on managing her emotions and choices, and had really made some good progress. She had learned to balance her emotions and receiving God’s peace and grace. And the husband said to me, “She's different, and I don't know why. I can see where, with the changes in her, are the same kinds of changes that I need.” In other words, she has persevered through her submission to God, her brokenness, her dependence, her humility, the grace of God empowering her to do this. This isn't conditional love. God doesn't say, you get straight, you persevere, then I'll give you the grace, then I'll give you the courage. No, it’s to stay in submission to God and let God love me every day. God will enable you to persevere as you go through just the everyday things of your life.
Never Fails
Question 2. Love Never Fails. This last element of love is commonly thought to mean I'm not supposed to fail. If I really love this person, then I won't fail. That's the farthest thing from the truth that you can imagine. The focus of this whole passage in this Scripture is God’s Agape love. God's plainly and simply saying, “I won't fail you, if you will depend on me.” I think of the word in which Jesus said, “If you deny me before men, I'll deny you before the Father. But if you'll accept me or acknowledge Me before men, then I'll do the same before the Father.” He's saying, acknowledge me, call on me, work with me. Confront, stop, think, pray, and I won't fail you in any way, shape or form. The lexical definition of love never fails, means to drop away, specifically to be driven out of one's course, to lose, become efficient, be cast, fall away or off. To fail. Fail or to take no effect. The New Testament definition of fails means to fall, and is used in the law of God in its smallest detail, in the sense of losing its authority or ceasing to have force.
An example of “Love never fails” comes from the last example of the wife who separated for eight months and is persevering. Often the one who is persevering hears complaints like being unfair from the husband. “If you really loved me, you wouldn't do this to me. This counselor isn't telling you the truth! You failed me. You're not being a godly wife. How can you treat me that way? This isn't fair.” What he's thinking is, if she loved him, then she'd be there to be subjected to his manipulation, his financial choices that have created 1000s of dollars in debt, unwillingness to even talk about it, to just tell her to work more, and blame her. The definition of love never fails, that is “not being driven off one's course” can be compared to an old sailing ship. In one of my favorite old movies Captain Blood played by Errol Flynn sailed in a lot of storms and battles. The helmsman guides the ship or sets a course that's been plotted by the navigator, and the helmsman is responsible to stay at that helm guiding the ship through the storms and the battles, whatever it takes. Well, that's the idea of God's promise here. What he promises is that the goal: love never fails. His love will never fail or I will never be abandoned by God. And the goal, of course, is to be molded into the image of Jesus.
Well, we've studied that when we look at patience and kindness and being protective and trusting. And what God is saying, “When you envy, boast, are proud, rude, or self-seeking you are way off course to becoming Christlike.” God is saying, “When you allow me to be Lord through my Son, Jesus, then we start to get you on the right course.” And that's his promise, that no matter how bad the storms, no matter how difficult the situation, he will accomplish his task. The scripture that talks about He's faithful to finish what he's begun illustrates this. Beside this idea of not being blown off the course, is the idea that even in the smallest detail, like a pinch of flour, if you'll ask, God will give you the answers you seek. He will empower you, and enable you to reach this goal. The reality is, all of us fail , and need to change; we make bad choices. We're all the same, and especially when it comes to this idea of love. You can never place an expectation on a person that they never fail, because that is what they'll do. If you expect them to never fail, you are asking them to be God. Instead, give them a break, give them the right to go through emotions, change and mature. Seek God’s wisdom on what you should do and how you should act. Make the choices that don't build false relationships.
Make sure that your relationship to God is sure and steady. God has promised to never fail to help you do that. If you want to be loved, receive God's love and give love, then stay submissive to God and He won't fail you, which means you're safe. When the other person is also submitted to God in that relationship, you are safe and protected. Love never fails means that it's really God who never fails.
First share your own personal definition of Perseveres before this study. Then describe the Lexical and New Testament definitions. Finally, give an example as you understand it now. Submit your answer to find your score and see Dr. Dan's answer.
Compare your own definition of Perseveres with that of the Lexical and New Testament definitions. Give an example of Perseveres as you understand it now.
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Dr. Dan's Answer:
- Common/personal definition: Most people think of perseverance as someone who simply will not quit — who keeps trying to get something accomplished until it is done, at whatever cost. It is viewed as a quality of personal grit and stubborn determination toward a goal.
- Lexical definition: "Literally, to stay under or behind — that is, to remain; to undergo, that is, to bear trials; to have fortitude; to abide, endure, take something patiently, to suffer or tarry behind."
- New Testament definition: To be beneath an agency or means through which something is accomplished — to stay or be present in a given place, state, or relationship; to have an expectancy within that relationship. Also: to abide under, bear up courageously under suffering, to wait and await, to persevere unto the end, and to endure bravely and trustfully under conditions that would be considered burdensome to others. Crucially, perseverance is not rooted in personal strength — it requires dependence upon God. The courage, bravery, and decision to remain in a difficult situation must be enabled through God's power and one's own submission to Him.
- Example: A wife whose husband refused to come to counseling chose to persevere by setting up an eight-month separation and working diligently on managing her emotions and growing spiritually. After several months, her husband called the counselor and said, "She's different, and I don't know why. I can see where the changes in her are the same kinds of changes that I need." The wife had not forced change through personal willpower; she had simply remained submitted to God and allowed His grace to empower her day by day. Eventually her husband chose to join counseling. That is true perseverance — staying under God's authority through a long, difficult season and trusting Him with the outcome.
First share your own personal definition of Never Fails before this study. Then describe the Lexical and New Testament definitions. Finally, give an example as you understand it now. Submit your answer to find your score and see Dr. Dan's answer.
Compare your own definition of Never Fails with that of the Lexical and New Testament definitions. Give an example of Never Fails as you understand it now.
Pasting is disabled for this answer box. Please type your answer in your own words.
Dr. Dan's Answer:
- Common/personal definition: The common understanding is that if I truly love someone, I am not supposed to fail them — that genuine love means never making a mistake, never falling short, never disappointing another. This places an expectation of perfection on the human person.
- Lexical definition: "To drop away; specifically to be driven out of one's course; to lose; to become inefficient; to be cast or fall away or off; to fail; to take no effect."
- New Testament definition: To fall — used in the context of the law of God in its smallest detail, in the sense of losing authority or ceasing to have force. The focus of the entire 1 Corinthians 13 passage is God's Agape love, not human ability. God is plainly saying, "I will not fail you, if you will depend on Me." Never Fails does not mean a human being will never make mistakes — all people fail and need to change. It means God will never be driven off course in His commitment to accomplish His work in the believer. Like a helmsman on a sailing ship who holds the plotted course through storms and battles, God's love stays the course no matter the circumstances.
- Example: The wife who separated for eight months was accused by her husband of failing him: "If you really loved me, you wouldn't do this to me. You've failed me. This isn't fair." But she had not failed — she had remained on course with God. Her staying submitted to God was itself an expression of love never fails, because God was working through her obedience to fulfill His promise. Love never fails means, ultimately, that God never fails those who depend on Him.
Analyzing the Analysis Questionnaire (AQAL)
Question 3. To continue, you need to locate the Analysis Questionnaire for Agape Love (AQAL) that you completed in Course Two. It has seventy-five questions with number one being, “It's difficult for me to remain quiet when mistakenly accused.” You will also need to locate the score sheet you used to score your questionnaire. The third document you need to locate is the one containing your results entitled Agape Love Analysis Profile of Biblical Norms (aka Profile) which has a large graph on the front page and smaller graphs for the individual scores on the following pages.
For right now, we're not going to worry about page one that has the graph on it, the actual scores and their analysis. Instead, turn to page two, and at the top you should see A. Patience above the graph. And underneath that graph are the numbers of the questions used to measure patience. Your answer for these questions should be in the blanks next to these numbers. Find your score for Question 1. Find question 1 on the questionnaire: “It is difficult for me to remain quiet when mistakenly accused.” You should find all five scores for the questions pertaining to patience (16, 31, 46 and 61). And those numbers then will range from one to five. Notice any of your scores that are one or two. Those will be the focus of our analysis and application.
Fully answer the following question from the content you just read and submit your answer to find your score and Dr. Dan's answer to the question.
Explain how the scores on the Agape Love Profile Questionnaire are used to determine the client's understanding of Patience.
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Dr. Dan's Answer:
The Profile Questionnaire contains 75 questions, and each question corresponds to one of the 15 elements of Agape love from 1 Corinthians 13:4–8. Five questions measure each concept, and the questions related to Patience are numbers 1, 16, 31, 46, and 61. Each answer is scored on a scale of one to five.
On the Profile Analysis document, page two shows the Patience graph with each score listed next to the corresponding question number. A score of one or two in any of those questions signals a lack of knowledge or understanding of that particular concept of patience. For example, Question 1 reads, "It is difficult for me to remain quiet when mistakenly accused." A score of one or two means the person almost always finds it difficult — indicating they have not yet learned to wait upon God for answers to problems, and instead react from emotion rather than relying on God's Agape love.
Question 31 — "I can accept my spouse's choice, even if it's different from my own" — commonly receives a low score. A one or two there reveals a conditional, manipulative response: the person almost never gives another person a second chance or the time to make things right with God.
Question 61 demonstrates that patience must be applied repetitiously and consistently in all relationships — with a spouse, employer, child, lawyer, or judge — without surrendering the love of Christ to emotion or fear. In summary, the low-scoring questions identify the specific concepts of patience the client does not yet understand or own, and those become the focus of counseling instruction using the Word Studies and the Process of Patience.
Scores for Each Element of Agape Love by Concepts
Concepts of Patience
Looking at the page with the results for Patience (p. 2), find the underlined words: Analysis Questionnaire Biblical Concepts below the graph. The only numbers I want you to be concerned with right now are question numbers 1 and 16. Look at your scores for each numbered question. If you have a score of one or two, you need to learn the concepts of Patience. Concept one says, “Patience waits upon God for the answers to problems.” If you have a one or two, you do not hold the right definition of patience. If you have a one or two, you would say, no, patience doesn't wait upon anybody for answers to problems: it does whatever it wants. That is a “I want what I want, when I want it” response. This emotional condition determines the reaction rather than relying on God’s Agape love. Not being patient would have the answer “almost always” because it's almost always difficult for me to remain quiet when mistakenly accused. The concept here means that it's “almost always difficult for me to wait upon God for the answers to problems”.
We're going to look at the questions on the AQAL, and I will discuss specific ones that connect with the original Word Studies or silhouettes, so that you can apply the information from the silhouettes to these questions. We had a definition for patience. We took it from the Greek text, and then we went through the steps of patience, and we talked about how to wait for God, for answers to problems. It is possible because God will empower you to do that. The unloving response is it's impossible: “I don't want to wait. I will do what my emotions tell me to do, which can be to yell or suppress my emotions and be moody. I want to control the other person, even if that's not good for that person or for myself.”
In this section we will tie the concepts from the Word Studies to the questions on the questionnaire. Looking again at the “Patience” graph and concept page, you will find your scores next to the number of the question and that number also connects to the number of the concept used for that question. Remember that a score of one or two indicates a lack of knowledge or understanding of that concept. Question 31 (AQAL) commonly has a low score which indicates a misunderstanding of a concept of patience. It's not realistic to go through every question on the questionnaire, but you need to understand how each part is connected so that you can learn what your client needs to learn and understand in the Word Studies. If you understand the connections and the principles, you will be able to do fine with any of them.
Using your Word Study on Patience to understand the principle behind Question 31 is, “patience gives the other person a second chance, and the time to make the problem right with God.” And question 31 (AQAL) reads, “I can accept my spouse's choice, even if it's different from my own.” The answer of a one or two shows a conditional response, which is manipulative, just ignorance or immaturity. There can be several reasons for such a response really. It may come after being conditioned to defend themselves against abuse, rebellion against authority, or tired of being told what to do! The response that would appear to be conditional would be “I almost never seek to give the person a second chance or the time to make it right with God through thought, prayer or confrontation, hence to accept anyone's response, it was different than my own.” What symbolized, to me, is a lack of self-control and potential insecurity within my life. If you scored a two, it may be that sometimes you give the other person a second chance and the time to make the private problem right with God. So sometimes I accept my spouse's choice, even if it's different from my own. Remember, patience is a process that has steps to it. Stop is the first step, then ask God for grace, look at the facts, identify your feelings. Then pray and ask God if you are being submissive Christ-like thinking, praying, not assuming bias or prejudice.
Often the person does not willfully want to do any of those things, or the person has learned that the worst thing you can do is to give this person a second chance. In the past they have used it against you by playing the victim, scream and yell, or manipulate you. So, the thought of giving them a second chance is either just not acceptable, because you would lose control, or need to defend yourself. It can seem stupid because no matter what you do, you can't win. With that thinking, people will respond with these conditional behaviors. In some cases, no one ever told them to give anybody a second chance, even yourself. In some cases, people have never learned to be patient with themselves. It's just not a concept that they know.
Question 4. Now, if you look at the second part of this idea of patience, the next question says, “State the unconditional or agape thinking behind the answer of almost always for question 31 concerning patience.” In other words, they almost always response, “I almost always give other people a second chance and time to make it right with God. I almost always ask God for grace when I'm troubled.” I'm on the steps of patience, I almost always state to God, what are the facts? What do I feel? And ask him if I am being Christ-like from what I know of the word love. I almost always go to the word, look in my concordance, look up a topic, take time to research it. Depend on God for strength and grace and the ability to be submissive to him. I almost always do that. So that's an unconditional or like the response of Jesus from Calvary at the crucifixion. So, the almost always response would be giving another person a second chance, seeking to give the person time to be with God, to think and pray through the confrontation format or patience.
This person wants to have a basis for personal security in Christ, and they would not need to be controlling and manipulative. Their motive would be to just emulate or be like the Lord, to be submissive to the Lord. They wouldn't express anything to this other person, until they'd taken the time to be submissive to God. To check things out, to wait, would show their consistency of actions to love with God’s love. Even if they were upset, they would be dependable, and would give the other person time. “I'll get back to you.” I don't need to be mad. I do not need to be controlling or manipulative. I don't want to be like that. Being patient demands that godly principles be upheld in the face of opposition. One last comment on patience, Question 61 shows that patience requires that same view to be held repeatedly, over and over, not compromising principles even when you confront a lawyer, a doctor, a dentist, a judge, a child, an elder parent or an ex-spouse. You don't surrender the love of Christ to emotions or fear.
Patient and Impatient Behaviors
What types of behaviors would a client exhibit if one of his or her presenting problems centered around patience? The basic behaviors of impatience will be manipulation. And ignorance can appear to be like willful manipulation, through either silence or extreme aggression or a mixture in body language or tone of voice. Anything's really possible when the client isn't willing to let God guide how he or she responds. The act of patience through the grace of God is going to involve emotion that's balanced, and thinking that's productive for self or others. One client got furious with me because I wouldn't get mad. I told him I was upset, but was not going to be controlled by my emotions. I'm not going to participate in your problem. I want to be part of the solution. I had to eventually walk away and leave him as he yelled at me out by my office. So, it's balanced through God's grace; not being superhuman. For further study, review “Patience” on the “Conditional and Unloving Behaviors” form.
This question is personal — your answer will reflect your own Profile Questionnaire results and your own situation. Identify the Patience question on which you scored lowest, describe what that score reveals about your understanding of patience, and apply the Biblical Norm to explain what a Christ-like response would look like in your specific context. Submit your response to record it and to see Dr. Dan's sample answer.
Using your own Profile Questionnaire answers, use the Biblical Norm to explain the concept of Patience that received your lowest score.
Pasting is disabled for this answer box. Please type your answer in your own words.
Dr. Dan's Sample Answer:
Based on a commonly low-scoring question, Question 31 — "I can accept my spouse's (employer's, child's, parent's, relative's) choice, even if it's different from my own" — serves as the focus for this reflection.
A score of one or two on this question means: "I almost never give the other person a second chance or the time to make the problem right with God." This reveals a conditional, controlling pattern — an unwillingness to allow another person the freedom to be wrong and to work it out with God in their own time.
The Biblical Norm for this concept is: "Patience gives the other person a second chance and the time to make the problem right with God." According to the Word Study on Patience, this reflects the same attitude God had toward mankind while we were still in sin — He did not demand that we "get it right" before sending Christ. He waited, endured, and gave time.
In practical application, when someone makes a decision I disagree with, the patient response — empowered by God — is to stop, seek grace, identify the facts and feelings, pray, and ask God whether my response is Christ-like before speaking. Then to give the person time and space, knowing that God is also working in them. Patience does not mean approval of a wrong choice; it means trusting God with the process of correction and refusing to control another person through emotional pressure or manipulation.
Note: Compare Dr. Dan's sample above with your own answer, using your actual questionnaire score and your specific situation or relationship context.
Concepts of Kindness
Question 5. Kindness is our next attribute of Agape love. Find page 3 in your Agape Love Analysis Profile document. We will discuss Question 62 which reads, “When I receive or return a perceived and not necessarily real actual unkindness from another, I turn to God in prayer for the direction and strength that I need in order to respond to my spouse or whoever I think hurt me in a more constructive manner.” Kindness is not trying to make someone happy. Rather it is defined as “finds a consistent expression through the gift and works of the Holy Spirit within a human being that is spiritually useful.” It is not focused on emotions. The conditional answer for this question would be almost never. When I receive or discern a perceived unkindness from another, I almost never turn to God in prayer for the direction and strength needed in order to respond to the person. I mean, after all, you know, they hurt me. I almost never ask God for help so I can do better or change. And it will help you to put the actual response for the client, as you try to relate this to them in a session. Rather than asking God for help, I just can't respond kindly. I'm hurt, I'm mad, I'm whatever, so that the response is based on emotions rather than on Agape love. The conditional response will simply be unpredictable, because it comes from suppressed emotions. A person never knows what's in your mind. An erratic emotional response is not spiritually useful to anyone.
We can best see the unconditional response if we just go to a different question, concerning kindness, question 32. The unconditional response would be almost never. The idea here says that kindness cannot be consistently expressed within a human being. And the question is going to speak about this idea of consistency. It says, “I find that being consistently kind to my spouse is an impossible task.” And the answer based on Agape love is almost never. The key to this concept of kindness is that agape love describes kindness as the loving way to confront others about a misunderstanding, disagreement or issue in a relationship. Even if the other person is temporarily miserable, feeling strong emotions like fear, or insecurity, biblical confrontation will be the kindness part of loving enough to address a difficult issue. This must be done with a motive that only wants the best for the other person and the relationship. In other words, you don't gauge kindness by a temporary human response of the individual being loved. But rather by whether or not the act of confrontation is motivated by the love of Christ. By displaying the attributes of Agape love in your relationship shows that you are working toward long-term spiritual results. To be kind consistently shows that you are under God's authority and respond within the structure of Agape love. You allow God to exercise his love, not yours to the other person who will grow spiritually, and be useful to himself or herself. This maturing person will be then useful to God to help others achieve this same love relationship.
Most often clients have never been a part of a godly relationship like this and have grown accustomed to the brokenness of fighting with their spouse. They often have suffered years of arguments, manipulation, verbal abuse or bitterness. These clients are often unwilling to be vulnerable. Most often they have not learned to treat themselves with kindness. They haven't known how to confront themselves through the process of patience: stop, think, pray, and listen for God to show them the truth in the situation. There's not been much growth or maturity, because these things have never been learned. Parents most often teach through their examples of relationship disfunction of anger, manipulation, and aggressive behavior. You'll meet a lot of people that hate confrontation because it scares them to death, because they've never seen it work for good, only manipulation, pain, and suffering. For further study, review “Kindness” on the “Conditional and Unloving Behaviors” form.
In Section One of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, patience and kindness are the tools of the “How To” section of Agape love: the ignition key so you can drive your car, the baseball bat to an athlete, ice skates to a figure skater. If you don't have your tools, you can't do your job. The tools of patience and kindness will be used to expose what's inappropriate, no good, and destructive in order to see the relationship repaired. Now we leave these tools in order to see what we're going to use them on in Section Two of this Scripture, these tools are needed to expose, repair, and mend flaws in the relationship like envy, rudeness, and pride, self-seeking, easily angered, keep a record of wrong, and delights in evil. Section 2 is also known as “What love is not” or “Conditional Love”
What love is not manifests itself, when behavior is not Christ-like. This is going to be the area of the greatest pain and suffering that you will see, and it will apply to many personal issues. (Course Four specifically applies this with various presenting problems.) So, think of Section Two as starting with envy and ending with doesn't rejoice in evil. And then think of Section Three as rejoicing in truth through God never fails and is God's gift to us. It's like God saying truth is going to be your source of strength; my protection will help you be a fine spouse, good parent, great employee. I will make you trustworthy. I will give you hope. I won't fail you. To me that's like turning third base heading for home plate after you just smacked a “grand slam”. You know the ninth inning, two outs, three balls, two strikes, and it just went 600 yards over the center field fence. Or you just drove the Indy 500 and you finished 25 laps ahead of everybody else! It's the payoff. It's what God gives us out of our obedience. Section Three is God's gift, person, blessing and power. His love is very good and very strong.
This question is personal — your answer will reflect your own Profile Questionnaire results and your own situation. Identify the Kindness question on which you scored lowest, describe what that score reveals about your understanding of kindness, and apply the Biblical Norm to explain what a Christ-like response would look like in your specific context. Submit your response to record it and to see Dr. Dan's sample answer.
Using your own Profile Questionnaire answers, use the Biblical Norm to explain the concept of Kindness that received your lowest score.
Pasting is disabled for this answer box. Please type your answer in your own words.
Dr. Dan's Sample Answer:
A commonly low-scoring Kindness question is Question 62 — "When I receive or return a perceived unkindness from another, I turn to God in prayer for the direction and strength I need in order to respond in a more constructive manner."
A score of one or two means: "When I sense I have been treated unkindly, I almost never turn to God in prayer for help. Instead, I respond from hurt, anger, or suppressed emotion — whatever I feel in the moment." This produces an unpredictable, emotionally erratic response that is not spiritually useful to anyone.
The Biblical Norm for Kindness is: "Kindness finds consistent expression through the gift and work of the Holy Spirit within a person — it is spiritually useful." Kindness is not an emotional response and is not judged by whether the other person is immediately happy. It is measured by whether the response was spiritually useful — pointing both people toward truth, godly confrontation, and growth in Christ.
A low score here means the person responds from emotion rather than from God. They may suppress their feelings and say nothing, or react defensively, rather than praying first and then addressing the issue in love. True kindness sometimes requires a difficult confrontation — because the motive is the spiritual well-being of the other person, not their immediate comfort or approval. Consistent kindness is only possible through reliance on the Holy Spirit, not personal effort.
Note: Compare Dr. Dan's sample above with your own answer, using your actual questionnaire score and a specific situation where you struggled to respond with kindness rooted in God rather than emotion.
Concepts of Envy
Question 6. So, let's go to love does not envy in Section Two of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a. The question we're going to use for envy is question 18 (AQAL) which reads, “I verbally encourage my spouse in their successes and they are a source of pleasure for me.” The conditional answer is almost never. The concept it highlights is, “Envy occurs over witnessing or hearing of the advantage or prosperity of another.” If we don’t find pleasure in learning about the success of another person shows that we would rather have that success, instead of the other person. In other words, envy wants something, so that I have a sense of security and control rather than coming from God. I will do whatever to fill that need; steal, take, or manipulate to get it met.
For example, when I worked nights, I would watch soap operas during the day. On the shows everybody was interested in who did what to whom. It was always petty, backstabbing, emotional, a lot of times, sexual attempts to gain control and power. Not having the peace and strength of Christ Jesus, the person seeks this security in a thing, a person or ability, in order to fill a sense of emptiness and fear. God is the only security that can fill this void. The envious individual looks at the successes of somebody else as threatening. Instead of being something that can be appreciated, it becomes a source of insecurity. Because envy is a willingness to take from the other person, the reaction will be to undermine or mock the success of another person. So, their plan is to negate the other’s success in order to feel better about themselves.
Now, we can take this same question, and the unconditional Agape thinking behind the answer of almost always, would mean that there is no need to be envious. My sense of security and worth comes from the realization of God's forgiveness. But an initial response might be, “They don’t deserve it.” This happens when your relationship to that person has been difficult. It may be with a prickly spouse, a critical boss, a disobedient child, or a crabby neighbor. That initial response is not envy; that's just normal emotion. It can be overcome, because you realize as you pray that Christ is your source of worth and confidence. There is no emotional need to be envious, because God helps me sort out my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and I don't need a thing or an object in order to have a sense of peace. I can enjoy what someone else has, and I can enjoy what I have. I have a sense of fulfillment with it, because it's balanced.
Looking at the concepts of envy on page 3 of the Profile results we read God’s standard (# 3 under Analysis Questionnaire Biblical Concepts), “Envy is a feeling of displeasure at the success of another”. On number 48, “Envy manifests itself over material goods, and envy can occur over the spiritual gains of another individual.” Sometimes envy is expressed by comments such as, “Well, who do you think you are?” This usually comes from a sense of being threatened or desiring what the other one has, but unwilling to change. Sometimes there is a question about God being jealous. This is not envy. The word “jealous” describes God wanting our decisions and choices to be focused on the qualities God has. He wants our choices to be under His authority. He wants them to be good for us and not hurt us. That is not envy. For example, if a man is a sports nut and every Saturday, from dawn till dusk, he is glued to the screen, it is potentially correct and godly for the wife to be jealous of his choices and to potentially confront him and say so. It's the idea of a jealousy that is godly, and is under God's authority. Another example, if a wife is a garage sale nut, and every Saturday, it's the same thing from dawn to dusk, and comes home with the car packed full of stuff to jam into the already full garage so that both the cars set out, the husband may need to be jealous and confront his wife over her choices. So don't confuse jealousy and envy. If someone is envious, the person may be devious, willing to scheme and plan, and unwilling to work through confrontation or patience. There'll be an intense drive to get what's perceived to be this sort of magic ring, a person, a thing, an accumulation of things, and a refusal to face reality in order to obtain those things. For further study, review “Envy” on the “Conditional and Unloving Behaviors” form.
This question is personal — your answer will reflect your own Profile Questionnaire results and your own situation. Identify the Envy question on which you scored lowest, describe what that score reveals about your understanding of envy, and apply the Biblical Norm to explain what a Christ-like response would look like in your specific context. Submit your response to record it and to see Dr. Dan's sample answer.
Using your own Profile Questionnaire answers, use the Biblical Norm to explain the concept of Envy that received your lowest score.
Pasting is disabled for this answer box. Please type your answer in your own words.
Dr. Dan's Sample Answer:
A commonly low-scoring Envy question is Question 18 — "I verbally encourage my spouse in their successes, and they are a source of pleasure for me."
A score of one or two means: "I almost never verbally encourage my spouse in their successes, and their achievements are not a source of genuine pleasure for me." This reveals the presence of envy — the other person's success feels threatening rather than enjoyable, because my sense of security is tied to comparison and control rather than to God.
The Biblical Norm for Envy is: "Envy is a feeling of displeasure produced by witnessing or hearing of the advantage or prosperity of others. It involves the desire to deprive another of what they have in order to falsely fulfill a need for security. Envy is a God-substitute — an attempt to fill the deep spiritual need for God through things, people, achievements, or control."
A low score on Question 18 reflects the envious pattern of undermining or minimizing another person's success in order to feel better about oneself. The person may make dismissive comments, mock the achievement, or simply go silent — because the other's success feels like a threat to their own standing.
Biblically, when a person is secure in God's forgiveness and love, there is no emotional need to be envious. We can genuinely celebrate another's blessing because our own worth and security come from God alone — not from comparison. It is important to distinguish envy from godly jealousy: godly jealousy is a righteous desire for a person to make choices that honor God and are good for them. Envy, by contrast, has no boundaries — it will scheme, manipulate, and deprive in order to obtain a person or thing that temporarily fills the void only God can fill. The goal in counseling is to help the client transfer their source of security from people and things to Christ.
Note: Compare Dr. Dan's sample above with your own answer, using your actual questionnaire score and a specific situation where envy has shown up in your own relationships.
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