Cognitive Biblical
Therapy Coursework
Counseling Through God’s
Transformative Word
Course 3, Chapter 7
Chapter 7
Analyzing Trust, Hope, Perseverance, and Never Fails
Analysis of Trusts
Analysis of Hopes
Analysis of Perseveres
Analysis of Never Fails
Essay Questions: Answering the section questions (red buttons) is a great way to prepare for the end of the Chapter Quiz. You may notice, to gain full credit for the answers in Course 3 will require more details. Yet remember, these questions are for your review, not for grading purposes. The section questions will provide Dr. Wilkinson’s feedback to your answers.
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Course 3 Chapter 7
Analyzing Trust, Hope, Perseverance, and Never Fails
Analysis of Trust
Question 1. The AQAL Question 12, “My belief in God rests on my personal relationship to him, rather than on my present circumstances or emotions.” In other words, my belief is not dependent on my emotions of how I'm treated, how I'm feeling, or what another person is doing. The conditional answer is almost never. If you remember, trust hinges on an individual's decision to “place confidence, not mere credence in God and His relationship to God.” The idea of confidence versus credence can be seen in a lot of ways. Remember the example of the bungee cord jumper, who places confidence not mere credence in the safety of the bungee cord. If he had credence in that whole thing, he would stand on the ground and watch somebody else do it. If he had confidence, he’d jump out himself. And it's the same issue with trust. I need to ask God to help me to control myself, and receive grace, so that I don't act in a manipulative, rude way and keep a record of wrong sort of way. A person has to decide that belief in God rests on a personal relationship to Him, rather than a sense of stability or security coming from the emotions of whatever circumstance occurring around you.
One who answered almost never is allowing circumstances and emotions to control his attitudes and actions when they're in conflict, rather than God. This person looks out for himself rather than submit to Christ. When he experiences conditional actions, he appears to not be worthy of the trust of the other person. And if the other person is doing the same thing, then that person isn't being trustworthy either. Therefore, they have a very shaky relationship, because both want the goodness of trust, but neither are giving it. And this can happen between an employee and an employer, parent and child, between relatives or spouses. It can also taint his concept of God, saying God’s not trustworthy, mostly because he doesn’t know God personally. He has never entered into the relationship with God with an attitude of submission and honesty. It's not that God isn't trustworthy, but without a relationship, he will never get to know him and learn who God is.
The unconditional response to the AQAL question 72 is almost always. Question 72 reads, “In a disagreement, I allow my spouse to reveal his/her true feelings, fears, or insecurities without being defensive or rejecting his/her views.” For this question, the Agape Analysis Biblical Concept is “Trustworthiness allows another person to place his/herself at risk within the emotional, spiritual and physical areas of a relationship.” Trust is a commitment to a spiritual belief in the maturity and development of the Agape Spirit of Christ, which are the positive, good things such as patience and kindness within another individual. So, the answer there would be that it's almost always safe, or I can trust this person to be vulnerable to me when we're in conflict, because my attitudes and actions say, “I won't hurt you with what I say, with how I act.” This indicates the person's vulnerability to God is enabling this internal work of God, the Holy Spirit, to make it safe in this relationship for the other person. Patience is internal, and it's a spiritual vulnerability, and that equals trust that seeks God’s help to understand the conflict and respond with love. This internal mechanism of patience equals trust, because my consistency shows that you don't have to be afraid of me. My actions and attitudes will indicate trust; even if the other person’s actions and attitudes indicate untrustworthiness, he still doesn’t control me. Taking time with God using the process of patience, I will learn how to respond in a loving manner. There's a trustworthiness here that comes from this internal work.
And the concept for question 42 states, “Trustworthiness can only be obtained through the sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit, or maturity, or submission,” and the concept for question 57 states that “Trustworthiness, when established by God, is a consistent quality within a person's life.” Remember, consistency is using patience and speaking the truth even when it's difficult. It's not saying, “I told you so!” Trustworthiness is a workable, honest, and practical relationship between you and God and then you and other people. It's not perfection, walking on water which are ridiculous expectations and unattainable.
This lack of trustworthiness will manifest itself through actions such as lying, deception, an unwillingness to change, deceitfulness, and inconsistency. Trust is more a matter of dependence upon God, rather than a clear-cut action. The lack of a reliance on God will cause a person to have a sharpness or contentiousness which will grate on or wear out other people. Is especially true in the assumption of intimacy. You may remember the scripture: Jeremiah 17:9 which state this very clearly, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure, who can understand it?” This is describing how emotions without the consistency of God through submission and guidance, only provide instability and inconsistency. Trustworthiness, once established through submission to God in the ongoing work of God, the Holy Spirit is dependable as God is. Your trustworthiness can be valid, real and established, regardless of the presenting problem.
This question is personal — your answer will reflect your own Profile Questionnaire results and your own situation. Identify the Trust question on which you scored lowest, describe what that score reveals about the foundation of your trust, and apply the Biblical Norm to explain what a Christ-like response would look like in your specific context. Submit your response to record it and to see Dr. Dan's sample answer.
Using your own Profile Questionnaire answers, use the Biblical Norm to explain the concept of Trust that received your lowest score.
Pasting is disabled for this answer box. Please type your answer in your own words.
Dr. Dan's Sample Answer:
Question Focus: Question 12
Question 12 reads: "My belief in God rests on my personal relationship to Him, rather than on my present circumstances or emotions." A score of one or two on this question — almost never — reveals a foundational struggle with trust. The person's belief in God and sense of security shifts with their circumstances and emotions rather than remaining anchored in a personal relationship with God.
Biblical Norm for Trust
The Biblical Norm defines trust as placing confidence — not mere credence — in God and in His relationship to the believer. Credence means believing something is probably true or reliable from a distance. Confidence means relying on it with your life. Like a bungee cord jumper who stands on the platform watching others jump — that is credence. The moment they strap in and leap — that is confidence. True trust is not intellectual agreement; it is active, daily reliance on God as the foundation of one's security, identity, and responses.
Trustworthiness is built over time through consistent submission to God and is not a trait a person manufactures through willpower — it is the fruit of a living, working relationship with God. Once established, it becomes a consistent quality: not perfection, but dependable honesty, patience in conflict, and the willingness to be vulnerable without weaponizing that vulnerability.
Applying the Biblical Norm
A conditional response of almost never on Question 12 means the person's sense of trust in God — and by extension in others — collapses under the weight of circumstances. When things go wrong, when a spouse acts unloving, when conflict erupts, the person's internal stability crumbles because it was never anchored in a relationship with God. They look to circumstances and emotions to determine whether God is trustworthy, and those will always be unreliable guides.
This produces a shaky relational dynamic — the person wants the benefits of trust (intimacy, honesty, safety) but is not giving trust because they are not receiving it from God first. This can also distort a person's concept of God: "God isn't trustworthy" becomes their conclusion, not because God has failed them, but because they have never entered a genuine relationship with Him through submission and honesty.
Question 72 provides the contrast: "In a disagreement, I allow my spouse to reveal his/her true feelings, fears, or insecurities without being defensive." An unconditional response reflects a person whose internal work with God is making them safe for others — telling the other person: "You don't have to be afraid of me." Question 57 confirms: when established by God, trustworthiness is consistent — not tied to moods, emotions, or how the other person is acting on a given day.
Example
A husband in counseling believed in God intellectually but had never placed confidence in Him. When conflict arose with his wife, he reverted to self-protection and manipulation, because his stability was grounded in his own emotional reactions rather than in God. He told his counselor, "If I do what you're suggesting, she'll never respond. This won't work." His trust was not in God — it was in his own ability to predict outcomes. He was not trustworthy to his wife because he had not first trusted God. Over time, as the process of patience became his daily practice, he began to experience God's response in real situations — and his confidence shifted. Trust transferred from his own emotional reactions to God's consistent faithfulness, and that, in turn, made him genuinely trustworthy to his wife.
Note: Compare Dr. Dan's sample above with your own answer. Identify the specific Trust question from your questionnaire with the lowest score and reflect on whether your sense of trust in relationships is grounded in a personal relationship with God or is dependent on circumstances and other people's behavior. Where has a lack of confidence — as opposed to mere credence — in God shown up most clearly in your relationships?
Analysis of Hope
Question 2. Our next question is about hope which you will find in Questionnaire question 13. We will discuss the conditional thinking behind the answer of almost always for question 13 which reads,” My sense of hope fails when I am stressed by difficult circumstances involving my spouse.” If you remember, I used an analogy from a Bullwinkle cartoon with Polly Pureheart, Snidely Whiplash, and Dudley Doright. As we watched we saw Polly struggling to get untied from the railroad tracks, while Snidely was gloating about his victory. We’re all waiting for Dudley to foil his attempt. As time passed, our hope grew thinner the closer the train got. Then just in the nick of time Dudley rescued Polly and tied up Snidely! Everything turned out fine.
Many people have that kind of hope when they think of God. When they are in a crisis, God comes for an instant to rescue them, then flies off to heaven. That is not the type of hope described here. Instead, “Hope is a confident realization of God's power and presence within a human life, which leads to change and growth.” When someone is in a stressful situation like question 13 indicates, their sense of hope fails almost always. Then the problem here is that the individual tends to lose his or her sense of hope in these stressful situations. From the word study, the biblical norm is that God promises to provide all things for the one who believes in him, even in difficult situations. Hope rests on the unknown and unseen work of God which provides an eternal anchor despite the difficulties surrounding the individual at that time. The conditional person will either act as a victim or attack the hope of another as ridiculous. There may be mockery, scorn, anger, or silent manipulation. This may occur because of past disappointments and fears. It can also result from immaturity or genuine hostility toward God. In general, the individual will have a sense of hopelessness, simply because God has never been part of their finding a solution. Another attack will be avoiding the confrontation of patience at all cost. But the hope of the godly individual will allow God to work through the facts, feelings and spiritual perceptions despite the opposition of others. Patience in the godly one will hold the other person accountable to God and have clear spiritual discernment in a situation that might otherwise have become hopeless.
I can give you a quick example of this on a personal level. Because in a counseling practice, we deal with broken people who are inconsistent. To be successful in running a business, you must be consistent so that you can have a long-term practice. That means bills are paid, there's paper for the copy machine, the lights work, and forms are completed. In the last two weeks, I've had 24 cancelations which translates into about 3,000-$4,000. Now that can destroy your sense of hope, if it's tied to circumstances or emotions. From that you will begin to believe the lies like, “You are totally incompetent, and not called to counsel. You need to get out of counseling. God must be mad at you.” Where's my anchor? Where's my confidence? How do I deal with the unknown, remain hopeful in confident expectation? Is your reality indicating you should get out of the counseling profession, being fearful and afraid? Those feelings will not help the clients to learn what hope is. You can be conditional with yourself or others. Your hope has to be focused on something other than your immediate feelings.
Now to illustrate that, let's go to the unconditional thinking behind the answer of almost always for question 73. The concept in question 73 states, “Hope in Christ is an immovable anchor in the midst of conflicts.” Question 73 states, “My faith in God helps me remain confident that problems with my spouse can be resolved.” My problem at the end of week two with 24 cancellations could have caused me dragging home, being an emotional wreck, and doubting God. When in conflict, my faith in God helps me to stay confident that the conflict can be resolved. You remember that we need faith, and then we need work. The two go hand in hand. So, I had to think, pray, and use patience to get to God’s truth in the situation. That allows me to live the rest of my week in peace so that I wash the car on Saturday or sit down and work on a project. My hope rests not in immediate problem, but in the long term, knowing that my God will provide guidance, care, wisdom, protection, provision, and all the things that I need to function in peace and deal with life. The unconditional answer there is I almost always place my faith or have confidence in God through my faith and can stay confident that the conflict, the issue, the problem, will be resolved.
Several behaviors would be evident if a client’s presenting problems centered around hope. The individual will evidence such behaviors as depression, defeatism, being extremely emotional, fear, low self-esteem, low self-image, and fear of failure. Having godly hope will replace these tendencies with a pattern of problem solving that is very critical to building a sense of strength. Rather than spending time with random emotions, the person needs to use the process of patience to get to the facts separate from the feelings, in order to solve the problem. The other concept (in question 28) is that “hope is a confident realization of God's power and presence within a human life, which leads to change and growth.” The last concept in question 58, is that hope in Christ provides the strength needed to work through change in a relationship.
This question is personal — your answer will reflect your own Profile Questionnaire results and your own situation. Identify the Hope question on which you scored lowest, describe what that score reveals about the foundation of your hope, and apply the Biblical Norm to explain what a Christ-like response would look like in your specific context. Submit your response to record it and to see Dr. Dan's sample answer.
Using your own Profile Questionnaire answers, use the Biblical Norm to explain the concept of Hope that received your lowest score.
Pasting is disabled for this answer box. Please type your answer in your own words.
Dr. Dan's Sample Answer:
Question Focus: Question 13
Question 13 reads: "My sense of hope fails when I am stressed by difficult circumstances involving my spouse." A score of one or two — almost always — reveals that the person's hope is circumstantially dependent. When stress rises, hope collapses. Their sense of confident expectation in God dissolves under pressure rather than holding firm as an anchor.
Biblical Norm for Hope
The Biblical Norm defines hope as "a confident realization of God's power and presence within a human life, which leads to change and growth." It is not passive wishful thinking or a last-minute rescue. Hope is a favorable and confident expectation in regard to the unseen and the future — grounded in an immovable object, Jesus Christ — and functions as an anchor for the soul, sustaining strength and direction in the midst of storms. Hope helps a person endure under trial not by denying the difficulty, but by remaining confident that God is present and active within it, even when the outcome is not yet visible.
Applying the Biblical Norm
A conditional response of almost always on Question 13 means hope is tied to circumstances rather than to God. When things are going well, the person feels hopeful. When conflict erupts, when a spouse acts hurtfully, when stress accumulates, hope evaporates. The person may spiral into depression, defeatism, extreme emotionality, fear, and low self-esteem. Without hope as an anchor, every conflict feels catastrophic, and the person either attacks as a way of managing fear, or collapses into victimhood and hopelessness.
The chapter illustrates this with a personal example: a counseling practice that experienced 24 cancellations in two weeks — representing $1,000–$2,000 in lost income. The temptation was to believe the lie: "You are incompetent. God must be angry with you. Get out of counseling." But hope anchored in God does not depend on the week's cancellations. It is sustained by the long-term reality of God's faithfulness — of restored marriages and healed families. The conditional person ties hope to the immediate problem; the unconditional person keeps hope anchored in God's proven character and long-term provision.
Question 73 states the unconditional norm: "My faith in God helps me remain confident that problems with my spouse can be resolved." An almost always response here reflects a person whose hope is a steady, working confidence that God is present in the conflict itself — guiding, providing, and enabling resolution. This hope is also active: it requires thinking, praying, using the process of patience, and trusting God for the outcome even when the facts are discouraging. Questions 28 and 58 confirm: hope in Christ provides the strength needed to work through change in a relationship over time, replacing depression and defeatism with problem-solving grounded in God's faithfulness.
Example
Larry, the large and intensely angry client who had threatened his counselor, stood at the absolute edge of hopelessness — with suicide attempts, felony charges, and a destroyed marriage. Hope for him had to transfer from his explosive emotions and desperate circumstances to the God who was present in the room when the counselor said, "Hit me or sit down." In that moment, God met him. Over time, his hope grew — not because his circumstances immediately improved, but because he began experiencing God's practical responses to prayer. He saw conflict resolved through patience. He saw his wife change. He saw himself change. And that track record of God's faithfulness became the anchor of his hope, making every future storm survivable.
Note: Compare Dr. Dan's sample above with your own answer. Identify the specific Hope question from your questionnaire with the lowest score and reflect on where your hope has been most vulnerable to circumstances — where stress, conflict, or disappointment has caused your confident expectation in God to fail. How would an anchor fixed in God's faithfulness, rather than in the resolution of your immediate problem, change your experience of those moments?
Analysis of Perseveres
Question 3. Question 14 on the AQAL states, “Because I believe God will assist me in tense situations, I express my views even if they differ from my spouse.” Because there is dialog with God about what's concerning him or her, he or she doesn’t just react in a difficult situation with another. First there's dialog with God, and then there's dialog with the other person. Also, there's a willingness there to repent or change. Remember that perseverance is bravely, courageously endured in situations that others would find burdensome and impossible. In order to persevere, there has to be an outside source of grace, wisdom and power from God. Perseverance does not exist if the individual has not acknowledged the need for God, and has allowed God to work through him or her. An individual will usually avoid confrontation or distort the process, so that there is defensive self-justification. Also, a person can think that God won't help, he doesn't deserve God’s help, or that he can take care of the problem without God. The almost always answer to this question shows a lack of understanding that God will provide the ability to discuss the conflict so that it can be resolved. Rather they have a sense of false power and strength, false bravery and courage, and trying to live life on their own strength. And the scripture that illustrates this really clearly is when Paul said, ‘When I'm weak, then I'm strong.” He was saying that when I let go of my own strength to persevere, God gives me bravery and courage. This is the passage where Paul speaks about all of his hardships: shipwrecked, stoned, beaten and persecuted. He was saying that in all those difficulties, God has been his source of strength, and perseverance especially when you get into conflict. Most people hate confrontation, explaining what issues they have to another person. It drives them crazy. This person has no sense that God will help them in a conflict. Instead, they do what they want based on emotion, fears, and insecurities.
Through the word studies their confidence should be growing, but they have to own it., and experience success in the process of patience to resolve issues. Once they start seeing the wisdom and courage coming from God they will begin to see the benefits of the process of patience. For example, this experience is like the one time I parachuted. We went up to 3000 feet, they swung the door open, it hinged straight up and it attached to the bottom side of the wing so it was totally out of the way. I stepped on this little plate and hung onto a part of the wing, and then I let go. A friend of mine who was a pilot, asked me about the experience. When I explained what I experienced, he looked at me, and real calmly said, “You're crazy! I fly those things. I don't leave a functional aircraft. As long as it flies, I stay inside!” It's like that when you start talking about patience. Initially, people think you're crazy. “I don't talk to people when they're angry. I don't deal with these kinds of things. I get hurt. I'm not going to do it. I experienced pain when I was a kid. I don't have any courage.” This question shows that they're saying that they can't! They don't think they ever can.
Now let's look at the contrast of the unconditional thinking behind the answer of almost always. And I want you to turn to question 29 which states, “God is the primary source of stability and strength in my relationship to my spouse.” The idea is that perseverance comes only from the presence of Christ through salvation, submission of will, and the working of the Holy Spirit in the person's life. When I am experiencing conflicts in life, God is almost always the source of my stability and strength. This person has experienced a living relationship with God and knows where perseverance comes from. And you'll see this near the end of your counseling process. Clients will have this ownership, and they'll start telling you about when they prayed, what God said. What the word said, how it changed the situation. How much better they feel, and how relieved they are. You realize that their bravery, their courage, is coming from the proper place.
The rest of the concepts of perseverance on the analysis of the questionnaire will state things such as in question 44, “Perseverance is the willful act at God's direction of staying in a situation that would normally be considered burdensome and impossible to others.” In question 59, “My obedience to God has led me to good solutions that were unacceptable to my spouse or others.” Perseverance will sometimes lead to solutions that may appear inappropriate to humans, but they will be God's plan for the outcome for that situation. For example, it may be that God guided him to a separation based upon biblical principles of repentance and conviction. And there's a method for Biblical Separation that I'll teach you. He wrote a plan for a biblical separation, and then we took some legal steps to establish a separation and to contest the divorce. And his wife, when she received all this, was absolutely incredulous. She could not understand. And I said to her, “He is coming to grips with the fact that he has not represented Jesus Christ to you and your family. He's repenting of that fact before God the Father. In the plan he's making a statement to you that says he's going to fulfill his obligation. I said, “Now, you may reject it. That is your choice. But he has to give you every opportunity to see that he's truly repentant, and then give you a chance to make the same decision. No one's ever 100% wrong.” There's always a combination of problems within any relationship that causes it to not function well. He had attempted suicide before he came in. He was up on felony charges. His marriage was a wreck, and had been for years. He had no hope, no sense of perseverance. As we went through this case together, it taxed me. It caused me, more than once, to ask God if he knew what he was doing by having me involved. Eventually, he found a job, applied for a bail reduction, got a place to live and was able to get out of the turmoil. With this separation plan was in place, things were getting better for him. In order for all of this to happen, perseverance had to be in place. I didn’t bring his perseverance with me: he had to come to the place where perseverance lived with him in the person of Jesus. In this situation, perseverance would be considered idiotic or burdensome or impossible. God can lead people to solutions that are appropriate before God, but appear absolutely wrong and inappropriate to others.
The behaviors of a client who has problems with perseverance would tend to either demand and control others, or would tend to have an attitude of hopelessness or the victim syndrome. The controller would demand submission, while the victim would give the other improper submission. True perseverance is never destructive to another, while false perseverance demands that ungodly standards be accepted. This type of perseverance utilizes all the negative aspects of conditional love, such as rudeness, self-seeking, keeping a record of wrong and so on. These tactics are designed to force this standard that says there is no strength, there is no bravery, there is no courage. All I've got is me. Well, true perseverance doesn't say that at all. It says that submission is where proper bravery and courage come from.
When I mentioned to you earlier about all the cancellations, I don't have the power or the strength to look at that and have a positive attitude. I have a record of when this happened, and it's tied to seasons of the year. For example, vacations in the summer, in the Fall after school starts, kids get sick. School events cause people to have scheduling problems. In the Winter, people miss sessions because their car batteries are bad. I know the facts behind this. I can track it and analyze it. God will help me do that. But persevering through a burdensome situation can only come from my relationship to God. Looking at receivables scares me to death, so I cry out to Him and say, “Father, help me. I'm scared.” When he helps me to reach a sense of stability and peace, I think about all the people who have gotten help. I totaled up the number of children that are living with mom and dad together. I've worked with almost 300 marriages in the past 5 years. Most of those had at least one child, so there has to be somewhere between 300 and 600 children right now whose parents have a restored marriage. God helps me think about those kinds of things. Those thoughts give me bravery and courage. Maybe it's just pure grace as I put my receivables into my briefcase to come home, I have the sense of the arms of Christ wrapped around me. Sometimes in my office I'll just sit there and pray for a while thanking the Lord for all of the wonderful things that have happened within these four walls. All of that comes, because I don't counsel alone. I'm not the source of the counseling strength. I don't cause the healing. I didn't write the Bible. And it doesn't matter what I'm doing, perseverance is that I'm in this life for a brief time through the power and authority of God. He's in charge, guides, directs, protects and cares for me. That's where true perseverance comes from.
This question is personal — your answer will reflect your own Profile Questionnaire results and your own situation. Identify the Perseveres question on which you scored lowest, describe what that score reveals about your reliance on God in difficult situations, and apply the Biblical Norm to explain what a Christ-like response would look like in your specific context. Submit your response to record it and to see Dr. Dan's sample answer.
Using your own Profile Questionnaire answers, use the Biblical Norm to explain the concept of Perseveres that received your lowest score.
Pasting is disabled for this answer box. Please type your answer in your own words.
Dr. Dan's Sample Answer:
Question Focus: Question 14
Question 14 reads: "Because I believe God will assist me in tense situations, I express my views even if they differ from my spouse." A score of one or two — almost never — reveals a lack of perseverance. The person does not believe God will help them navigate conflict, so they either avoid confrontation entirely or resort to emotional force, neither of which is rooted in God's strength.
Biblical Norm for Perseveres
The Biblical Norm defines perseverance as bravely and courageously enduring in situations that others would find burdensome and impossible — not through personal strength, but through dependence on God. It means staying present in a relationship or situation that is genuinely difficult, because God has directed it and is empowering it. Without His acknowledged presence and grace, what appears to be perseverance is either false bravery fueled by pride, or victimhood masked as endurance.
The key New Testament insight is Paul's declaration: "When I am weak, then I am strong." Perseverance is the willingness to let go of personal strength so that God can provide bravery and courage. It requires an outside source of wisdom, grace, and power — God Himself — and is only possible when the person has acknowledged their need for Him and allowed Him to work through them.
Applying the Biblical Norm
A conditional response of almost never on Question 14 means the person does not believe God will actually help them in a tense situation. They have no experiential confidence in God's ability to guide them through conflict. As a result, they either avoid confrontation altogether or act on emotion, fear, and insecurity rather than on God's direction — operating on their own false strength, which either collapses under pressure or becomes controlling and destructive.
The chapter compares this to standing on an airplane door at 3,000 feet. The idea of stepping out seems crazy — just as calmly confronting an angry spouse or staying in a deeply broken relationship seems impossible. They say, "I've been hurt before. I don't have that kind of courage. I can't do this." What they have not yet experienced is the jump itself — stepping out in faith, using the process of patience, and discovering that God was there all along.
Question 29 provides the unconditional norm: "God is the primary source of stability and strength in my relationship to my spouse." An almost always response reflects a person who has moved from credence to confidence — who has prayed, waited, confronted, and seen God come through. Question 44 states: perseverance is the willful act at God's direction of staying in a situation that would normally be considered burdensome and impossible. Question 59 warns: perseverance may lead to solutions that appear inappropriate to humans but are God's plan — because God's standard differs from human comfort.
Example
A man facing felony charges, a failed marriage, and a prior suicide attempt entered counseling with no sense of perseverance. He had tried to manage his life on his own strength and had arrived at destruction. As counseling progressed, he did something that looked absurd to everyone around him: he drafted a plan for a biblical separation, took legal steps to contest the divorce, and made a formal statement of repentance to his wife. His wife was incredulous. His lawyer was puzzled. But he persevered — not because he was strong, but because God had given him direction and courage he had never had before. He found a job. He got his bail reduced. He found housing. One step at a time, through the process of patience and dependence on God, perseverance replaced despair. His story was not neat or fast, but it was real — because the source of his endurance had changed from himself to God.
Note: Compare Dr. Dan's sample above with your own answer. Identify the specific Perseveres question from your questionnaire with the lowest score and reflect on where you have avoided confrontation or acted from emotion rather than from God's direction. What would it look like to step out — to trust that God will assist you in that tense moment — and express what needs to be expressed, even when it is difficult?
Analysis of Never Fails
Question 4. Our last attribute of Agape love is “Love never fails.” On the AQLA question 45 reads, “If I am criticized by my spouse, I seek God's insight into understanding his/her criticisms, in order to evaluate my need for change.” The conditional answer would be that I almost never do that. This question illustrates that the conditional person does not want to ask God if another person has given a valid insight or pointed towards a potential need for change. There is an awareness of God through the soul which shows a need for spiritual change. A conditional person sees change as negative or frightening. Two reasons can explain this thinking: either the person was loved conditionally in childhood, or the person is operating out of the basic nature of sin. In our discussion of God never fails because He has promised to never be driven off course in any type of storm. I used the illustration of pirates on the high seas with a severe storm, where the helm is what steers the ship. No matter how severe the storm, God at the helm, you will get you to your destination. As Christians our destination is pointing people toward Jesus. As I get rid of the sinful behavior such as rudeness and such, I have more of the behaviors of Christ, like patience and kindness, because I have God steering me through the storms. The Holy Spirit and using patience keep me on the correct course. No matter how small the request, God will answer our prayers and enable us to make the goal. This concept is that God's love never fails. The Scripture also means that if the individual fails, God will be displeased. I need God's help.
God doesn't ask anyone to be perfect; people do. God only asks us to be dependent on Him so that he will never fail to provide all that we need to change and mature through His inner work of healing and restoration. This change has to be according to God’s standard. When we are raised in a family of conditional love, we learn their human standard for behavior. We are conditioned to change according to this human right and wrong. They determine my failure and what I need to do to change according to the human standard they have set. Oftentimes this human standard is beyond our attainment, because it constantly changes according to the human mood or emotions. We don’t try to learn how to improve according to God or the word, but according to that person. We have not learned how to check it out, and think about how we need to change, we just comply at the moment. When this person says that they almost never, they don't ask God to help. They either don’t understand how change occurs, or they don't want to change. By establishing their own concept of success, they are unwilling to ask God for help, so that they stay in control for a false sense of security.
The Profile Questionnaire question 30 reads, “I turn to God as my resource to overcome the difficulties I face in meeting my spouse’s needs.” The concept for this question is, “The presence of Christ through salvation and the work of the Holy Spirit is the source of Agape love that never fails.” The Holy Spirit in a human life is the source of the ability to change, grow and mature. The living personal presence of God through Jesus and through the work of the Holy Spirit helps us when we face difficulties. In prayer we ask God, “What do you think about this situation?” And God says, “I separate your actions from your worth. You may or may not have done something here that needs to change, but never, ever forget that you have worth and value, because I died on the cross for you. Through the presence of the Holy Spirit, you are able to obey me. Your actions can change. There shouldn't be anything negative or destructive in this situation that says you are junk. I’ll identify what needs to change. You can take this insight back to the person who made the criticism.”
Because of God's presence in my life, I can maintain a sense of balance as I meet the needs of others. Remember that kindness means to be spiritually useful to yourself or others. There may be times when the kindest thing that you can do, is to speak to somebody in a very honest way telling them precisely what you perceive. You leave them alone to consider what you have shared. There will be times when others will not be happy with you, but your sense of balance needs to come from your relationship to God. Sometimes people need to go through conviction and it's difficult. Often, they get mad. One client broke her appointment with me, because her boyfriend just out of rehab wouldn’t like that she was seeing a counselor. When I spoke with her, she was very angry, upset, frustrated, hopeless and almost in hysterics. Gently, I said, “Do you realize how much of a problem you have? You've become dependent on somebody else's emotions and whims to the point where you can't even get help for yourself even if you need it.” She had allowed herself to believe the needs of others were more critical than her own health and well-being. She had no sense of how to maintain her health and well-being through God and was absolutely blinded and lost. This concept says that God's love never fails. God provides a sense of balance with the ability to confront, wait upon God for guidance, and maintain a sense of security. God’s promise is that he will never leave, never stop helping, and will always support His creation in the everyday things of life. The reality shifts. I don't have to be strong enough, tough enough, smart enough, or anything else enough. I just have to be dependent, allow God to give me grace, and live within the partnership. God carries the heaviest weight as I learn and grow to maturity, so that I can become more Christ-like through this dependence.
The client with the presenting problems centered around fails would carry the burden of perfectionism that “never failing” places an impossible standard on him or her. Because of this the bully can be irritable, legalistic, insecure, and fearful. A person who is a victim can be very emotional, and have unrealistic expectations of herself or others. The behaviors of control, such as rudeness and keeping a record of wrong also will manifest themselves within this sense of failure. The person will be unapproachable, aloof, and dictatorial. Within an intimate relationship, is a sense of lack of equality and acceptance, leading to hopelessness. With this unreachable expectation, the security of being loved never occurs.
Copyright 1987, 1990, 1993 by Daniel D. Wilkinson. All rights reserved. For more information concerning this material, write to:
The Biblical Christian Counseling Ministries, Inc., 2730 Radcliffe Dr., Florissant, MO 63031.
Any reproduction of this material without the express written consent of the author is prohibited. Printed in the U.S.A..
This question is personal — your answer will reflect your own Profile Questionnaire results and your own situation. Identify the Never Fails question on which you scored lowest, describe what that score reveals about how you handle criticism and failure, and apply the Biblical Norm to explain what a Christ-like response would look like in your specific context. Submit your response to record it and to see Dr. Dan's sample answer.
Using your own Profile Questionnaire answers, use the Biblical Norm to explain the concept of Never Fails that received your lowest score.
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Dr. Dan's Sample Answer:
Question Focus: Question 45
Question 45 reads: "If I am criticized by my spouse, I seek God's insight into understanding his/her criticisms, in order to evaluate my need for change." A score of one or two — almost never — reveals that the person does not turn to God when criticized. They either dismiss the criticism defensively, comply out of fear without genuinely evaluating it, or collapse into shame. In none of these responses is God at the helm.
Biblical Norm for Never Fails
The Biblical Norm defines love never fails as God's promise to never be driven off course — to stay at the helm through every storm and battle, guiding the believer toward the goal of Christlikeness. It does not mean that the human person will never fail; all people fail and need to change. It means that God will never fail to empower the believer to grow, mature, and move toward the image of Christ — no matter how severe the storm or how overwhelming the circumstances. The smallest prayer, the most ordinary act of obedience, falls within the scope of this promise: God will answer, empower, and sustain.
The practical implication is this: the believer does not need to be strong enough, smart enough, or perfect enough — they only need to be dependent. His love never fails, which means no pattern, no wound, no failure, no relational destruction is outside the scope of what He has promised to redeem.
Applying the Biblical Norm
A conditional response of almost never on Question 45 means the person evaluates feedback through a human standard — often set by a critical, conditionally loving parent or authority figure — rather than through God's standard. That human standard is unstable and often unattainable, so the person either braces against criticism as an attack, or capitulates entirely without discernment, never learning to bring criticism to God and ask: "Is this true? Does something need to change? Or is this manipulation?"
The chapter identifies two root causes: being raised under conditional love in childhood, where the standard for approval changed unpredictably; or operating from the basic nature of sin, which resists accountability and change. In both cases, the person has never experienced the safety of God's response to their failure: "I separate your actions from your worth. Your actions may need to change. But you have value because I died for you. The Holy Spirit will empower the change. You are not junk."
Question 30 provides the unconditional norm: "I turn to God as my resource to overcome the difficulties I face in meeting my spouse's needs." An almost always response reflects a person who can receive criticism without being destroyed by it, because their worth is anchored in God's unchanging love rather than in the other person's approval. The behaviors that accompany a struggle with Never Fails include perfectionism, irritability, legalism, extreme emotionality, and a deep sense of inadequacy — both the bully and the victim trying to compensate for the terror of failure.
Example
A woman who had allowed her boyfriend — freshly out of rehab — to determine whether she could continue counseling broke her appointment and called the counselor in hysterics. Her whole sense of stability depended on whether this man approved of her choices. She had no ability to evaluate her own needs before God because she had no experience of God's love never failing her. Gently, the counselor said: "Do you realize how much of a problem you have? You've become dependent on somebody else's emotions and whims to the point where you can't even get help for yourself when you need it." That confrontation was itself an expression of love that never fails — bringing her face to face with a truth God had been trying to show her. God does not ask perfection; He asks dependence. His love never fails to provide what is needed when a person turns to Him — even in a parking lot, a restroom, or the middle of a crisis. It is enough.
Note: Compare Dr. Dan's sample above with your own answer. Identify the specific Never Fails question from your questionnaire with the lowest score and reflect on where you have either dismissed criticism defensively or accepted it without bringing it to God. Where has the belief that you must never fail — or that God might fail you — kept you from experiencing the freedom of His promise to be at the helm, guiding you through every storm?
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