The effects of mental abuse on the other person are pervasive and semi-permanent. They become brainwashed, emotionally scarred, and their concepts of God and love are very distorted. If the client has been in the relationship for a long time when you meet them, they will have their own set of confusion and need for healing of their mind and emotions. Look for those major distortions. You will need to work with them slowly. If the spouse is willing, you can attempt to get the mentally ill person into treatment. Forced treatment requires documentation of potential harm to the individual or others within the last 30 days. You will need police reports, witnesses and testimony, before you take it to a state's attorney. They are very hesitant to take away a person's right to freedom. But if you can document harm, and establish a separation, there is potential for both a physical exam and a psychiatric evaluation. The person will be taken to a medical facility. The laws and process are a bit different in each state.  Truthfully, that's a very rare occurrence, and it's very hard to do. More abusers are either terminated from their job and/or arrested when their extreme behaviors end up hurting someone.

In this second case, there were three different situations of extreme mental abuse. In the first one, the husband had hidden a 38 caliber-pistol in the home and pre-planned his actions, if he ever needed them. One night in an illogical fit of anger, he opened a window, got his pistol and waited until his wife had her back to him. He pulled out the pistol, tapped her on the shoulder, put the pistol in front of her face, and fired six rounds through the open window. The police were called. They found the pistol. She made a statement, so we had a police report. The second one was in the middle of one afternoon, left his car to get into her car and used his fist and feet to damage and remove her car’s windshield. Lots of people witnessed this, and police were called. The third event was more involved. She was at her friend's house at about nine o'clock at night. She had her young son sleeping in the living room while she was in the kitchen with some friends. The husband snuck through a window, took his child (there were other children also sleeping) and took him out through the window, and into his truck. He called his wife, and he accused her of being an awful mother. She asked him why, and he said, “Because you don't even know where your child is. Someone's snuck in the house and kidnapped him, and you don't even know it. And if you were a good mother, then you would know it.” She and her friends looked for the child, who was obviously gone. When she came back to the phone, and he accused her again and said, “I'm going home and taking the child with me, and hung up.”

If you can document those things, go to the state's attorney or the police and explain the potential problem. Here's my proof. If you can get them into forced treatment, there's a potential that, with treatment, the person can begin to see the impact of their thinking and behaviors. It is challenging to keep them in treatment at first, because it's very common for the person to rebel against the treatment, and go back to the same old level of behavior. Sometimes, when you set up the separation, if the person is not severely mentally impaired, you can get them into treatment as part of what you're doing through your counseling.  You just define the symptoms and suggest the potential for treatment to help. If the person is able to function in working a job, paying bills, maintaining a life, you have a low potential for success as far as actually getting that person treatment, because they're resistive. Even though they are showing unusual behaviors, you normally can't document severe enough inappropriate behavior. In this case, I couldn't get the man into forced treatment because of some of my issues with the time lapse, and the legal system was slow. What ultimately happened was divorce. 

I have seen that same pattern occurs in other situations. In another case, the woman was very cooperative, yet very passive, and frightened. She became stronger and much more consistent to stand up for herself. She learned how to confront properly, and she got custody of the 10-year-old child, who was following the patterns of his father. The father was very controlling of the boy who would get into power struggles with her. The son would accuse her of not loving his dad, not trying, and not being normal or rational. For many victims , battling the cognitive effects of the mental abuse through sensitive to feeling accused by other family members or supervisors. Also, mental rumination and believing lies from the abuser and now potentially Satan. Using the process of patience as a means to cope with the unwanted, intrusive thoughts can also be healing. Read more in the Treatment Text (Materials tab). In this case of the mother and her son, I lost touch with that case, but at the last time I spoke to her, she was seeing some change. She was finding healing and growth over time, plus using the parenting procedure, and being consistent. And she was fighting a battle, because after the son had visitation with his father, it would take few days for the son to adjust. Because he was very strong willed, the mother was now emotionally and mentally stronger and now equipped to confront his acting out. 

If the mental illness is severe, you have a much better chance to get them treatment. If the person has a nervous breakdown, or severe behaviors rather than manipulation, it is easier to define and easier for other authorities to see. In yet another case, a woman complained that someone was abusing her child. What I ultimately found out was that she was the abuser, and that she was severely mentally ill. She had illusions that people were chasing her, recording her phone calls, and following her on the street. She literally had an imaginary person who was physically abusing her son. I had to make a hotline call to the Child Services to report the abuse. I was able to get her into psychiatric care and remove the child from the abusive situation. That was a fairly clear situation. After a short time, she had major illusions and paranoia, and had phantom people who existed in her mind.

I want you to remember that mental abuse is so destructive, because the one who has mental illness is not living in reality and the severity can range from light, to moderate, to severe. Secondly, the one who is abused has difficulty sorting out truth and reality from fiction and fantasy which results in self- doubt, feeling guilty and blaming themselves for the problem. Their sense of self-esteem and self-confidence is very low, because of years of lacking what they needed physically and emotionally. They may have been kept awake numerous times, or awakened in the middle of the night to be accused of things like adultery or financial irresponsibility. They may have seen the effects of all this on their children who may be erratic, emotional, confused, or accusatory. They may be blaming themselves as being responsible for the trouble. Mental illness is a difficult issue to deal with. As a counselor, you need to look for things that don't make sense, don't line up, or where there is erratic or bizarre behavior outside the norm. Mental illness will show in behaviors not being reasonable or rational. They usually get accusatory quick and perceive you as a threat. When you try to reason, you can't. Observe and keep track of those types of behaviors. Have a good psychiatrist on referral staff, use them as you can, and use the authorities as you can. So that ends a discussion here on mental abuse, and our next topic is physical abuse.

Copyright 1987, 1990, 1993 by Daniel D. Wilkinson. All rights reserved. For more information concerning this material, write to:
The Biblical Christian Counseling Ministries, Inc., 2730 Radcliffe Dr., Florissant, MO 63031.
Any reproduction of this material without the express written consent of the author is prohibited. Printed in the U.S.A..