Chapter 4

Struggles in the Phases of Counseling

Partnering in the Client’s Struggle

All mankind struggles with the harsh realities of life, including pride, fear, self-reliance, and sinful desires. Sitting humbly with a client, listening to their struggles, we are in a position to guide them towards the truth of Agape love. As God’s counselor, our goal of Cognitive Biblical Therapy is to lead the client towards the Maturity Phase of counseling. Yet when the client presents their challenges in the Analysis Phase of counseling, they are generally more focused on the resolution of their identified problem. They are generally unaware how their answers lie within their ongoing relationship with God’s Word and Spirit. Our focus must remain on the hope of 1 Thessalonians 5:23–24, that God is sanctifying them, transforming their hearts and minds into the likeness of Christ, as shown through their decisions, behaviors, and the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22–23). 

In the parable of the Sower (Matthew 13:1-9), Jesus describes the types of soil the seed falls upon. The condition of the soil appears to be a typical hindrance in receiving God’s Word. The client’s condition, in contrast to God’s unconditional love, can cause resistance and block their progress in counseling. Such as, their sinful nature, defensive reactions, difficult emotions, their woundedness, lack of trust and/or differences of opinions and perception of their problem. You will see the client’s resistance in their body language, their choices and their reactions (behaviors). What you are observing is often a part of their personality pattern or type, as we discussed in Course 4, Chapter 1. For example, the active personality will tend to react quickly, lacking patience. The passive person will generally withdraw and avoid, which is their form of resistance. The passive-active person will estimate how their counselor wants them to respond or choose a safe non-comital answer.  Where the active-sincere person will give a submissive, positive response even though their actions are incongruent. Your job, as their counselor, is to see through these reactions to their underlying condition of their heart, mind, will and character. Take time to review the previous personality discussions and the handouts in Course 4, Chapter 1 as a part of understanding how resistance relates to personality types.

Overall, the counselor’s spiritual discernment is the means to see below the person’s resistive reactions, including the condition of their soil (metaphorically). Our purpose in the Ownership and Application Phases is to speak directly to their soul and their conditioned will. Keep in mind, God’s intended function of the “human will” is to seek to trust Him and choose to organize life around “His will”.  Whatever is in the way will interfere with God’s purpose and desire for the client’s life and direction, will be applicable their identified problem (situation/relationship). Walking through the Ownership Phase, the counselor graciously and patiently uses the client’s presenting problem to reveal their potential, internal condition (heart, mind, will and character) as an opportunity to surrender to God’s Agape love or to fight against it.

Resistance in the Ownership Phase
Responding to the client's resistance or their stuck feelings, thoughts and behaviors is significant to your relationship with them and an opportunity to exemplify Jesus and Agape love. Here are some reminders, first be aware of your own internal reactions in order to surrender them to God’s Spirit and seek discernment in how to respond, not react. Second, remember to listen closely, slow down when needed and use reflective listening.  Third, be honest yet gentle and open to the time the client needs to verbally and mentally process.  Here are some potential response to a client who is struggling in the Ownership Phase of counseling:

1. “My goal is not to win an argument with you or force my opinions on your life. My responsibility is simply to set God’s Word before both of us. The question isn't whether you agree with me, but how your current choices and attitudes measure up against God’s standard of love.”

2. “I find the habit of drawing a circle around myself first, to examine my thinking and actions in line with God's love. Then, to share my sense of what God is showing me what to say to you about my part of the problem and yours.”

3. “Sounds like you are carrying a heavy load of stress about your situation and are uncertain what to do. Is that the case with you?”

4. “I hear you are upset and this counseling process is not helping you to find an answer to your situation. You feel yourself sinking down. I am sorry you are struggling. Let’s seek God’s help together since He is present with us. Let’s talk about what’s in your control right now and your next best step forward.

5. “When we look at this pattern in your life, we need to determine whether you simply haven't known God’s practical standard for this situation, or if you know what His Word says and are choosing your own way. If it is a lack of understanding, God provides instruction; if it is willful resistance, the only path forward is repentance.”

As Jesus said in two applicable statements in John 8:31-36, “Everyone who commits sin is a slave of sin.”  Then, “If the Son sets you free, you really will be free.” Looking beyond a client’s resistance, to their freedom in Christ that leads to spiritual transformation (maturity) needs to be the focus rather than their resistive expressions/behaviors, cognitive restructuring, memory reconsolidation or cortical-limbic regulation. While therapeutic strategies have their place and can help clients, freedom in Christ is their ultimate answer. By God’s grace, His Word and the leading of the Holy Spirit as their source of direction can be the means the client works through the Ownership and Application Phase into Maturity.

You may want to ask, what does “freedom” look like in the Ownership Phase of counseling? Be careful not to primarily focus on the client’s outward compliance or doing what is recommended. While clients tend not to fully believe or comprehend God’s Agape love is their answer, many will comply by answering the AQAL, reading through the Biblical Norms, trying out the Process of Patience (stop/think/pray) and confessing where they fall short of love. Their actions are faithful steps towards understanding God’s way of love and listening to Him. In time, you will notice their hurtful, personality tendencies are lessened, their defensive reactions and what some Internal Family Systems therapist call “calming the limbic system” happens through surrender to God’s Word and Spirit.

Here is what you will observe in certain personalities when moving from the Ownership to Application Phase in CBT:

• Active: Owns pride, control and reactive anger. Practices pausing, gentleness and restraint.

• Passive: Owns playing the victim, manipulation and silence. Practices speaking the truth in love and engaging directly.

• Passive-Active: Owns double-mindedness and convictions borrowed from others. Builds a steady follow-through that depends on God.

• Active-Sincere: Owns striving in their own willpower. Closes the gap between knowing and doing by depending on the Spirit.

In other cases, the client has deeper roots of resistance that get in the client’s path towards maturity. CBT counselors may find one of these areas of resistance as a stronghold which needs to be uprooted and/or treated:

• Pride and Independent Thinking: CBT defines pride as independent thinking apart from God and an unwillingness to submit to Him before reacting. When a person insists on self-rule, passive manipulation, victim posturing, or justifying their behavior, they resist God's authority. This directly blocks the humility required for true progress.

• Refusal of Ownership (Spiritual Resistance): Transformation hinges on the Ownership phase, where the client must face their personal contribution to the problem and choose between submission to God or continued disobedience. If an individual will not analyze themselves, refuses to accept Biblical truth, or will not work with God, counseling efficacy is constrained and may cease.

• Lack of Genuine Salvation or Nominal Faith: A living, personal relationship with Jesus Christ is the functional engine of CBT. When someone is unsaved or living in nominal Christianity, their faith can be compartmentalized and does not govern daily choices.  Second, they lack the indwelling Presence of the Holy Spirit necessary to sustain Biblical behavioral change and achieve lifelong stability.

• Unresolved Inner Issues: Persistent unresolved anger, bitterness, or a calculating retention of grievances ("keeping a record of wrongs") will sabotage the Application phase, preventing the client from practicing the patience process and demonstrating the attributes of Agape love.

• Biomedical or Severe Psychological Constraints: Severe physical illness, chemical imbalances, acute substance withdrawal, or severe psychiatric symptoms (such as delusions or hallucinations) may sound extreme, yet can be hidden and very subtle. When these factors impair an individual's cognitive capacity for self-analysis and ownership, medical or specialized psychiatric care must take priority before Biblical counseling can proceed effectively.

• Spiritual oppression:  The influence and footholds of demonic forces snake their way into hiding places impacting a person’s heart, mind and soul. Anywhere from temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13), to deception (James 1:14-15 & 2 Corinthians 11:3), to desires of the flesh (Ephesians 2:1-3), to spiritual blindness (John 3:19-20 & 2 Corinthians 4:3-4), and hardening the heart (John 3:19-20; Romans 1:21-28 & Hebrews 3:12-13). 

Identifying roots of resistance is often hidden, unclear and not a precise science, so ask the client to partner with you to seek the Spirit’s discernment. This next step can be to say, “Over the course of our time together, I’ve noticed your heart searching for God’s guidance though your defensive reactions when speaking to your spouse is unkind. Your reactions appear to be a lack of submission to God’s way of kindness. What do you think?”

If the client gives a defensive reaction, ask him/her to pray with you in the office or separately and return to discuss it.  When the client returns, process their response to your confrontation of their resistance and their sense from God in response to their prayer. Keep in mind, the client’s use of the Process of Patience to problem solve with the Lord is just as important and what they sensed or did not sense from the Lord. Whether they sense something small, big or not at all is something to support as a means of submission to seeking God’s way even when resistive roots are still present.

Many clients will demonstrate a heart and willingness to surrender their roots of resistance throughout the counseling phases. They often need God’s perspective of unconditional love with practical applications of love that reform their own conditional thinking and actions. These clients primarily need encouragement in applying their new understanding and skills through reliance upon God’s Spirit rather than continued focus on weeding out all the resistive roots.

Yet when you discern the client is exhibiting willful rebellion or resistance, keep your limits in mind as a means of surrendering the client to the Lord. You can still exemplify Agape love, as the Father waits for His creation to respond to His love, by respecting the client’s indecision or refusal to move through the phases of counseling. One member of the family attending counseling may choose not to engage while attending each session, yet they are observing what is taking place. The resistive family member may choose to follow “house rules and mutual respect”, yet not under God’s authority. Acceptance can be a positive response for the client to remember when they face future challenges.

You may notice your own faith, trust and dependence upon the Lord will be tested in walking with the client through their specific roadblock. Expect spiritual oppression to come through intrusive, negative thoughts and temptations. Partnering with clients to unroot resistance is only recommended through your dependence upon spiritual discernment and a clear identity in Jesus Christ. Enlisting prayer partners for you, your family and your ministry is critical since you are engaging (alongside the client) in spiritual warfare or at least an understanding about the client’s roadblock (such as a biomedical condition, a personality disorder, etc.).

What to Expect in the Application and Maturity Phases:

The client will experience more freedom within themself and within relationships while in the Application Phase. Their peace, motivation and hunger for God’s way grows within them even when they are still experiencing pain, loss or threats. They are more open to accept their life’s realities due to the effects of building emotional, mental and spiritual strength. For clients who scored lower on L-P qualities, this is the time for them to build their “God-concept” through understanding and trusting the true character of God. For reactive personalities, this is the time for them to practice the Process of Patience in all of their relationships as a disciplined “brake” and their new spiritual-reliance vs. self-reliance.  For clients with passive tendencies or lack a true sense of identity, they learn to rely on their spiritual security more than anxiety and fear to face disgruntled people and speak the truth in love.

The Apostle Paul personally experienced freedom in Christ and the regeneration process, as he described in Romans 5:3-5:

“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character,
and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts
through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

Whether someone is a client in counseling or a citizen of God’s Kingdom, spiritual freedom leads to being a “learner, follower of Jesus”. A disciple of Christ moves through into the Maturity Phase of counseling sometimes boldly and other times hesitating, all the while transitioning away from counseling. We as counselors, are putting them into God’s hand, in order for them to rely on what God has taught them, placing confidence in their spiritual skills and the Holy Spirit.

As the client transitions, they need to also focus on their spiritual community. Sometimes they are already actively participating in their church body, while other times they need a different, more transparent, spiritual community than what they experienced in the past. They need further teaching, supportive fellowship and opportunities to worship alongside other believers in order to live within their freedom in Christ and Agape love. Being a part of the bride of Christ, a part of the body of Christ, the church is God ordained, though their participation may take time.  The Apostle Paul emphasized the importance of being a part of Christ’s body of believers, the church in 1 Corinthians 12:12-27; Romans 12:4-5; Ephesians 2:19-22; Hebrews 10:24-25; as well as the early church in Acts 2:42-47. Christ followers are not meant to live and practice their faith in isolation. Some consider the body of Christ to be the place to practice and live out Agape love in order to live it freely where God plants them in the marketplace.